Fat lot of good that does, they would say, when he pointed that out in the playground.

At least I break the rules in style, would come the reply.

This special attribute never took off as a status symbol. What it did was earn him the nickname "Balls Grabber." These things tend to take on lives of their own, he learned, and people are mean.

This sketch for a painting is more about night (and squares) than about fish.  (It's a sketch for a painting.)  But, lo and behold, the fish snuck in.  I count five, maybe six along the bottom.  This is hardly more than a scribble, but I love this.  If somebody calls me on the phone and takes up a whole bunch of my time ... friends ... this is what's taking place on my side of the conversation.

[Top of the page:  Study for a painting, by Aletha Kuschan, ballpoint pen]

I'm going on a long walk, and I don't know if I'm coming back.

The last few months have been very difficult for me.  Beginning with my mom's illness and death, much has happened, and quickly.  Adjusting to life in Malaysia has, strangely, gotten harder as the weeks go by. I miss my close friends in Denver tremendously, and not a single day has gone by without my thinking about them and some memory created by the simple everyday realities of our life together.

Writing has also gotten increasingly strenuous because of the fairly seismic shifts in my own theological outlook these last few years.  Many of the questions raised during graduate studies and by my engagement with the Christian East have changed me as I've asked them, refined them, and sought answers as best as I can.  While writing the post in which I confessed to being a "Zoghbyite", I realized more than ever how different my views had become in recent years.  I am now especially doubtful about the wisdom of airing my own transmorphing opinions over so public a medium.

Like Dr. Peter Gilbert, I've lately grown suspicious of the value of theological discussions that take place over the Internet, though I have undoubtedly benefited from quite a few of them. A few weeks ago I posted a link to an article entitled "Is Google Making Us Stupid?" That article challenged me to rethink the proliferation of "information" and the modern means by which knowledge is acquired.  Reading it made me ask whether or not I had, effectively, subjected myself to being catechized by the Internet.  The answer scared me very, very much.

All these have come together to persuade me leave the blogosphere---for a long time, if not permanently.  I started this blog during a time when I needed something to distract me from the pain of what I thought was a friendship permanently undone.  When it became clear that that friendship would survive one of the worst mistakes I've ever made, I thought to stop writing, but by then I'd acquired a small readership by then and thought that this blog could perhaps do some good.  Plus, I did enjoy the attention tremendously.

And so, despite the fact that this project was born of a selfish need, I hope that it has done slightly more good than harm. To readers and friends near and far, thank you for your encouragement, attentiveness and willingness to hear me out these last few months.

For now, there is a journey that beckons, and to the voice of my heart I must attend. Peace and good!

Eighteen years is fairly more than enough for me to be attached in my country, it's my home. It shapes me to who I am today, my ideology and mythos has been yielded in my country's vast struggle against difficulties. It is my comfort zone my kinsfolk land, my friends gazebo and my memories and childhood's hurdle, however it  is also for them that evokes me to leave and take a leap.

I am bound to depart the Pearl of the Orient to live the American Dream. I don't know how life would work there, but I never doubted my capacities. This decision is not a choice because there is no choice at all.

I am not dismayed or dejected. Anxiousness, vague one, is the one that conceals me now. After months lapses, I have mulled over, things can work even on that way. Things has been so easy now with advance technology in communication. I told my friend, "I'm just a click away!".

The City of the Golden Gate awaits me now, only the plane ticket is missing in the action. Sure I'll treat this as an opportunity, I'd rather think it that way. I'm not there to play over, it's actually an emancipation from childhood. Suddenly, I am old enough to look to myself and be responsible in my decisions. It's not an easy task to be far away with people that is close to your heart. It is often stereotyped that going there and experiencing the fantasy of four season is always a catch of green pasture. I know in myself it will take me hard work, arduous one.

No pain, no gain. I told myself my life will give me some worth if I have my college diploma. I pursue it here in the Philippines but not for so long, I do not consider this moving as an interruption, rather an ascent in opportunity. Wherever I am, I'm ready to sacrifice toilsome effort to earn that golden ticket to success.

I don't know what it's like to live in a place that only in postcards I tend to see. I am preparing myself for racism, chauvinism ... kidding. But I admit, it really hint me to think of that possibilities. Expect the worst as folks says.

It's much better writing it in blogs, so I'll have some shame of myself telling this all to the world and not making it.

Homebody in my case does not denotes a metaphor which affirms, rather it's the opposite. Homebody in which is psyching me out. It is not because of my full volition, but yes it's practically "partly" by choice.

Since the last summer break, April. I am locked up in my so-cliched-four-sided-wall-room. Counting how many times the earth rotates in it's axis for 23hrs 56min 4.2seconds per day. I have been secured in my your-ordinary-teenage-room for more than more than two months now. Bet you, it really sucks!

I am not prompted to enroll in the summer semester and even on the present academic year because of our present status for immigration in the west end of the earth. Here comes the unintentional reason why I barely leave the house, "wait for the phone call or any mails coming from the immigration office". So I have been a rotten fish swimming in a dirty fish tank...oops just an hyperbole.

Well, it's not just always "it sucks!" and not liking it. Let me quote something "it's like a flower that blooms in adversity", don't you notice? I like exaggeration. It's just there is something about it which is good after all. Things unnoticed because of some dominant commotion reveals themselves, which actually is quite fun. Let me try to list it all down for you.

Clocks don't tick at the same rate

Another irrelevant discovery candidate. I barely noticed that our family are so fond of clocks. Wall clocks, clocks in the shelves, clocks with fancy design, clocks with lamp, clocks in the living room, clocks in the dining room, clocks inside the rooms, clocks even at the attic. Whoa, that's a lot!

Clocks "second" hand does not tick at the same rate, which means each clock second precision is different from others. Which also means they are not telling the same time. Even clocks are not reliable at some time.

So, what's the official time? Weird!

When I'm uneasy, I diddle with my cellphone keypad

Having your cellphone around with you--undetachable seems normal just like dressing up, so I decided it's not worth writing it up. But this unusual thing I did when in some kind of uneasy situation feels weird and unnoticed.

It has been an unnoticed habit clicking my keypads unconsciously and when I'm back in my self, I am already diddling my inbox and/or playing with my cellphone's game.

I can navigate the house, closed eyes

Oh yeah, sure lot of us can do this, but it's worth some attention. Sometimes when peeing wakes me up in the middle of my sleep, I don't bother not opening my eyes fully. I learned to use my hands to sense some struggle on my way. Luckily I have never been hit by the wall.

Even when it's brownout, I always tend to switch on/off the light

When things occupy me for a moment or so, the light switch brings me up a sort of reality check, "power lines are off dude!" Yeah, the light switch reminds me that it's fucking brownout again which gives me emotional downfall. No hyperbole this time. Brownouts really makes me feel sad and bored!

Meal time, "whats the food?" habit

My mom and grandma really might be so sick and tired hearing all those question almost three times a day with only almost less than five hours interval. Sometimes this question are not really intended, they just spill out in my mouth...but I admit, I'm guilty! .^^

Refrigerator rackets it out at night

Sleeping close to the dining area and the big giant really gives me trouble when night falls and silence embraces the atmosphere. It's racket really disturbs me during can't-sleep-nights. It's really loud at times.

This phenomena battles my scientific instinct to a question. How much noise do we accumulate when it's racketing aren't audible? Think of that! Our eardrums might be furious.

Home TV shopping

Oops, I am not a patron of these products, but again, because of my unconsciousness in things, I just wakes up watching this inutile shows. Growth pills, breast enlarger, scar remover, kitchen knifes and wait theres more!!! haha!

Can't find it when I need it

When things are badly needed, they tend to hide until you give up trying. Up to the smallest things, when you don't need them you know where to find them but when the time you needed them, they play hide and seek.

Watch out with the latter one, can't find anymore things to write down but I'm sure there still a lot. Hate that last part!

Well, all of these are bit fun after all. When I'm thinking each one of it, it put some sort of helium air in my head. Being a homebody does not sound always rebellious, it can even cater the other side of your intellect. Isn't it obnoxious to find all the wonders of the outside world when in fact, just being inside your home can be totally worth spending when you just spend time discovering and challenging yourself?

Being a homebody for more than two months now is not a waste of time, because I have used it in some sort of valuable things. I had never read books continuously, I had never enough time to read all the school newspaper articles, I had never watch some good movies and tv shows... but during that break, I did, it's worth it.

But I never said I'll be homebody forever, I experienced it already, time to move on. I'll prepare myself for that migration and for another life in school.

Wish me luck!

]]> http://brainteaser.wordpress.com/?p=420 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:53:20 +0000 brainteaser http://brainteaser.wordpress.com/?p=420 I am no visual artist, but among the skills I tried to teach myself when I was fresh from university and work did not yet demand so much of my time was graphic design. Armed with some how-to articles I could find in the internet, I tinkered with Photoshop, in the hope that one day I’d be able to create personalized and especially made cards to send to my friends, or some good images with which to decorate my photo albums.

Years after those hours of tedious self-instructions, I found myself very thankful that I had the sense to make my spare time productive by trying to learn things that, during those times, had seemed daunting (hence, better left to the real artists) and even useless. Not only was I eventually able to create passable designs for simple invitations and even coffee table books for family and close friends, but my little knowledge of the process also tremendously helped me perform my job when I got to a publication where, from time to time, there arose the need for me to know what is visually appealing and what is not.

But that is not all that I am thankful for. There is also something in the process of image editing that helped me better grasp the idea that there is a great design of things, of which we only see a part because of our limited perceptions.

Let me elaborate.

There are times when, as I work on an image that need to be retouched or edited, say a picture of a smiling girl holding a bouquet of flowers but whose arm is smudged with few patches of dirt — nothing that simple editing cannot correct — I need to zoom in the object to have a much closer view of the part that need to be edited.

Looking at the object this close and seeing just the part I need to work on, it often seems to me that the part I am looking at doesn’t make sense at all. There are moments when I have a hard time imagining how that particular part is related to the whole object, even if I know what it is, having seen it in its entirety before zooming in the image.

I zoom in the object some more, and it becomes blurry and all the more senseless. It looks like just some pixels or dots thrown in together at random, with no connection with one another whatsoever. At this view, it is hard to connect the pixels and imagine what they might form.

Then I zoom the object out a little, and a little more, and I get a clearer view of the part I am viewing on my computer screen. I will now recognize it as a part of something, although at this view, I may still not see it as what it really is in connection to the whole picture — how indispensable this part may be to the whole.

I zoom the image out once more and, now seeing the whole picture again, I see what the part exactly is, how it is connected to the whole picture, and just how relevant it is. Then I start feeling like an idiot for failing to recognize it and make sense out of it when I was looking at it at “close range.”

There are still times when I find the time to sit down in front of my computer and do some image corrections. But even now, I am still mesmerized each time I get on with this process of zooming in and zooming out, especially when I connect it with the idea I adhere to when trying to grasp life and its many mysteries. Each time I do this process, or think of it, I see some sort of parallelism between how differently we view an image when we see it up close, focusing only on a single part, and when we see it in its entirety; and how differently we view a life event when we are in the thick of it, and when we are simply observing it from a distance.

When something happens and we are personally involved, or someone close to us is, it is often hard to see things more objectively. We tend to be emotional and subjective. But when we aren’t involved, we can be more objective and are more able to keep our emotions in check.

There are also times when, as something is happening, we don’t understand what it means no matter how hard we try to analyze the events leading to it. Then, at a much later date, in some mysterious way or another, we get to understand what happened, how it happened, and why it happened. And as understanding dawn upon us, we say, “Ah! Kaya pala!”

So yes, I am thankful that I know a little about tinkering with images. Because with this little knowledge that I have, I understand that like everyone else, I may also have a limited perspective of things. And every time I sit down and work on an image, I am reminded that in many instances, I may not be seeing things in their proper perspective; that all I may be seeing is just a part or several parts of a whole. So I am more open to other people’s ideas —understanding them, analyzing them, testing them — instead of dismissing them outright. And so I write this piece, realizing that all I am presenting may just be a part or an aspect of a whole.

//Sherma E. Benosa

27 October 2007; 2:01am

I was chatting online with a good bud of mine when he shot me this link... Jackson Pollock.  Needless to say, that was the end of our conversation because I became totally enamored by the site.  What's not to love about creating Pollack-like paintings on your computer with a click of your pen (or mouse)?  I guess my next step would be to try to pass it off as "art" like Pollack.  Nah... how many times are people really going to fall for that?!?!

Erinn: My gums hurt.  It hurts to chew anything.
Dad: There's probably too much "heat" in your body.  You should drink more water and eat more fruits.
Erinn: I have been.
Me: Dad just bought some longan ["dragon eye" fruit] today.  They're in the fridge.  Have some of that after dinner.
Dad: No, she shouldn't eat that.  Longan is "hot" [i.e. contains yang energy].
Me: I thought all fruits were supposed to be "cold" [i.e. contain yin energy].
Dad: No, not longan.
Erinn: Yeah, longan has "wet heat" [i.e. appears to be predominantly yin but is actually predominantly yang].
Me: "Wet heat"?
Erinn: Yes, wet heat.

• On my way to the train station, the azan fills the air through speakers on a nearby minaret.  Time for solat Asar.
• Heavy rain in the late mornings.
• I dodge garlands of bright-colored flowers hanging from strings along the sidewalks of Jalan Tun Sambanthan.  To the black smoke from cars and buses are added scents of jasmine, chrysanthemum and incense.

MMM#10 : Mapunta sa isang unknown na lugar kasama ng crush ko (again)

Well, ito yung tipong mastrastranded kayong dalawa ng crush mo na kayong dalawa lang magkakilala. Yung tipong sabay kayong mag-aaral ng bagong language, mamasyal, kakain at mawawala sa middle ng nowhere. Sa ganito, magkakaroon kayo ng bonding na tanging kayo lang ang meron. Lagi kayong may connection, kasi may piangsamahan. Sabay kayong aalala sa mga memories na exclusive para sa inyog dalawa.

MMM# 9: Magpicnic sa isang mataas na lugar na over seeing ang city at manood ng fireworks display.

One of my dream dates. Mahilig ako sa ilaw, lalo na ng mga building. Haha weird noh. Dati, nung nasa Makati ako buong summer, lagi kong tinitignan yung building ng HSBC. Ewan ko ba, basta natutuwa ako. Hehe. Kung maganda yun pag nakatingala ka, siguro, mas maganda yun pag tinitignan mo sila from above. Parang mga stars sa baba. Parang ikaw ang master ng mundo. Haha J gusto ko rin ng fireworks, yung tipong ginagamit ng MOA or ng mga hotel pag new year. Yung astig.  Parang falling stars, multicolored lang nga. Hehe. Nakakita ako nun sa may Megamall, para akong tanga kasi tumatakbo pa ko, para iwasan, eh hindi naman talaga aabutan. Magandang venue, sa taas ng city, sa baba ng fireworks at dagdagan mo pa ng malamig na hangin at kasama pa si *toot Haha. Simple lang diba? Romantic, at parang magical.

MMM#8: Sumunod sa direction na plinano ng date mo.

Ito ang ebidensya na hindi ako masyadong adik sa TV dati. Haha. Lahat yata ng Taiwanese at Koreanovela na napanood ko, meron nito. Ito yung tipong makakakita ka ng bouquet ng flowers sa bahay nyo tapos my sulat na may instructions. Yung tipong pasasakayin ka sa pink na pedicab, paakyatin ng bundok, pagugulungin sa putik at pagbabasahin ng mga instructions ng walang ilaw. Yung tipong papagurin ka to the max pero hindi ka magagalit kasi sa dulo may surprise. Candle light dinner, my mga violinist, puno na puno ng fairy laights o kaya glass green house. Depende na yan sa imagination at budget ng partner mo.

MMM#7: Makipaghabulan sa tabing dagat, ng sunset.

Pinaka mushy at pinaka cliché na mushy moment. Lahat ng Pilipinong pelikula, pati commercial meron nito. Haha. Wala lang parang hindi kasi makukumpleto ang listahan na ‘to pag wala ang katagang “habulin mo ko” at ang paggulong sa buhangin hanggang mapuno na ng sand baga mo. Haha. Pag nangyari to sa date nyo, yung hindi nyo talaga plinano, dalawa lang ibig sabihin nyan: Pilipino kayong dalawa at pareho kayong corny.

MMM#6: Mabigyan ng love letter.

Klasik, ika nga nila. Simple lang. Liham na naglalaman ng mga saloobin ni lalaki. Kikiligin si girl, mahihiya si boy, presto! Perfect match. Dito makikita ang walang kamatayang mga linyang “ang mga mata mo ay sing ningning ng mga bituin”, “nanakawin ang buwan at araw para ibigay sa iyo”, ”ang puso ko ay nahagip ng iyong mga ngiti” blah blah blah. Ang magandang part dito, hindi sila magkakatuluyan kasi mamatay si babae. Sa KAKATAWA.

MMM#5: Mapuno ang room ng flowers.

Ito rin, cliché sa mga romantic movies at novels. Mula sa panahon ni Jane Eyre hanggang a panahon ni Shopaholic meron nito. Ito yung tipong bigatin yung partner mo. Pupunuin ni boy ng bulaklak ang room mo, maski bedroom, classroom, office room, meeting room, pati comfort room. Kung ako, gusto ko ng Lilium at Roses.  Orange (arinj, for desire daw sbi ni sir aesthet ) lavender (magical), red (classic “I love you”), white (classic “pure intension”), blue (mahal) at black ( yung hindi lanta ha, for imagination at pagka mysterious ni boy.) kung hindi naman masyadong mayaman si boy, pwede na ang santan na pinitas sa kung saan saan, pwede na rin ang mga wild flowers, basta maganda at hindi makati. Okay lang kahit ano, basta wag lang korona ng patay.

MMM#4: Makakuha ng maraming kaechingan or pwede na ring may sentimental value.

Singsing ni lola, wedding ring ng nanay mo, notebook of quotes ng great great great great great long lost pinsan ng kaptid ng kapit bahay ng best friend ng best friend mo. Okay na yan kay girl. Siguro OA, pero malay mo. Basta yung pinaghirapan. Pwede pictures nyo, ng barkada nyo, ng outing nyo with the family. Basta maalala nya yung happy moments nyo together. Okay na rin yung box ng may laman na 366 letters na babasahin nya everyday (pwede rin yung pag leap year). You get my point?

MMM #3: Pahiramin ng jacket.

Imagine, naglalakad kayo sa Bagiuo or Tagaytay ng Christmas season. Nag-uusap lang kayo tungkol sa buhay, sa kung ano-ano. Si gurl, pasimple lang pero naninigas na sa lamig, si boy mapapansin yon at walang kimi kiming tatangalin yung jacket nya (or coat kung businessman) at biglang ipapatong kay gurl! WalaH!  Instant romantic atmosphere na! Simple lang. a simple gesture na alam ni boy what you’re going through at concerned siya sayo. Konti na lang ang ganun sa mundo. Yung tipong ibibigay nya sayo yung jacket nya kahit siya naman ang lalamigin. Mapapansin ni girl at walng kemeng ipapatong yung jacket kay boy. At magtatanggalan sila ng jacket at maglolokohan buong gabi. Haha.

MMM#2: Magpunta sa Italy, France, Prague, Madrid etc..

Bigatin na ang part na ito. Mahal, expesive, pang-anak mayaman. Sa Italy may Trevi Fountain at Canals of Venice, ang France may Eiffel tower, ang Prague may wish wall at ang Madrid may “drink here and you’ll be back in Madrid” fountain. Masaya, asa foreign land kayo, susubukan lahat ng superstitions sa mga bansang nagbanggit tulad ng paghagis ng coins, pagdikit ng wish sa wall at pag inom sa fountain. Sila rin ang most romantic spots sa mundo. Just enjoy the moment. Live in it. Tsaka kayo umarte parang “You and me against the world.”

MMM#1: Makakita ng maraming maraming fireflies.

Nakita ko ito sa Samuai X, nung nagpaalam si Kenshi kay Kaoru nung papaunta sa dun sa gray eyed person, who ever he is. Maganda, emotional, magical. Ako gusto ko rin ng ganon, syempre dapat hindi magpaalam si *toot pag pinakita niya yun sakin. Kahit san pa yun, kaht sa malapascua, tawi tawi, bicol, cebu, basta kahit saan, basta tahimik, romantic at intimate. Ewan, hindi pa kasi ako nakakita ng firefly sa buong buhay ko. Yoon, ang ultimate mushy mushy mush scene ko, kasi maiiyak talaga ako sa sobrang tiwa at pagkatats. Hehe. Sobrang gusto ko indi ko na maexplain ng maayos.

Innocentgirl is doing a talk with Beck Wheeler in Daikanyama on Monday night. It's been organized by the lovely Martine, we have been sleeping deeply on her tatami mats and eating large amounts of her vegemite too.

If you are in Japan come along! The details are here.

Now here are some photos of me enjoying Martine's backyard while eating umeboshi and drinking green tea and last nights karaoke... tanoshikatta desu!

Who's that Buddha? What does it mean to "meet" the Buddha? What does killing the Buddha imply?

The historical Buddha, Shakyamuni, on attaining enlightenment, is said to have realized that all beings, just as they are, are Buddhas. If that's so, meeting a Buddha on the road should be a pretty commonplace event! So should being a Buddha on the road! But that's where the word "meeting" comes in. It implies encountering something or someone outside or other than oneself. We all come to practice carrying around images or ideals of who we should be and what we imagine a Teacher or Buddha should look like. And we may chase after individuals that for a while seem like they live up to our image, ignore those who do not, and generally treat ourselves with contempt for not living up to the standards set by our imaginary inner "Buddha." All this may keep us pretty busy, but it has nothing to do with real practice, which is an awareness of who and what we actually are, not the pursuit of some ideal of who we think we should be. So "killing the Buddha" means killing or wiping out this fantasy image, and "the road" is two fold: the road outside where we look outside ourselves for the ones who have all the answers, and the inner mind road, where we set up all the "shoulds" we must obey to turn ourselves into the Buddhas we don't believe we already are, but think we must become.

It is said that Shakyamuni's last dying words to his disciples were, "Be a lamp unto yourselves." Be your own light, your own authority, your own Buddha. Kill off every image of the Buddha, see who and what you are in this very moment, see that there is no Buddha other than THIS MOMENT.

A psychologist friend recently complained that Buddha's last words themselves were a trap. (Actually he called them something much less polite!) How can anybody TELL you to be your own authority? In the guise of liberation, these words become just one more dogma that the disciples submit to. Anybody who TELLS you to "Kill the Buddha" is giving a command as self-contradictory as "Be spontaneous!" It's a good point, and one that shows that this koan and Buddhism in general can't escape a more complex involvement with issues of authority. Our psychological reality is that we have to learn and practice to achieve our independence, and that learning almost inevitably has to take place within the context of some kind of disciplined practice. Remember we have to "kill the Buddhas" inside as well as outside ourselves. If we take this saying to mean only that we should reject all forms of external authority, we will end up leaving ourselves at the mercy of all sorts of, often unconscious, inner "Buddhas." Isaiah Berlin distinguished two kinds liberty he called positive and negative liberty. Negative liberty is freedom FROM, freedom from outside interference of one kind or another. Killing the outside Buddha may give us a version of this negative liberty. Positive liberty is freedom TO, the liberty of enabling conditions. And these are what are provided by a Teacher, a practice, a discipline. Berlin emphasized that the two kinds of liberty were conceptually at odds with one another, and an increase in one automatically meant a decrease in the other. And yet, we cannot thrive without both. Without a formal practice, we will never engage the deeply ingrained unconscious determinants of our character. But any practice, any teacher inevitably offers the risk and the temptation to hand over responsibility to someone or something outside of ourselves. The middle way is our balancing of these two truths. There is no one correct way to balance them, and every teacher, every discipline will offer a unique mix. No one can tell you how you, as a particular individual, ought to practice. Each of us must decide and take responsibility for the balance works best for us. That is how we truly can be a "lamp unto ourselves."

Hier gibt es nun die erste grafische Leistung in meinem neuen Blog zu sehen. Ich habe ihn "Bud" genannt, die Konturen habe ich selbst gezeichnet, der Rest ist mit Photoshop coloriert, bzw. der Hintergrund montiert (www.cgtextures.com = viele schöne Texturen für lau!).

Weitere Werke und Arbeiten von mir werden folgen!

They always tangle or get knotted up!

I’m talking about the cords — those highly functional bits of strands without which we cannot turn on our gadgets unless they are battery operated. I untangle them every day, or every other day, but soon they will again be all tangled and knotted up. I keep thinking they simply have a habit of “messing” themselves up. Perhaps to annoy the impatient me? :-(

I also noticed that they tangle in a way that is not easy to fix. Often, for me to fix them, I will have to unplug one or all of them. It just wouldn’t do without some unplugging, which is a bit annoying when you are currently using the gadget to which they are attached. Like me, I use wired connection, so I often do not want to fix the tangled cords because I would lose my connection, which sometimes I need to do for me to get something else working, say my speaker which is plugged on the same socket.

So yeah, I sometimes think life is so much easier without these cords. But then, when I need them and I find that I don’t have them (like when I went home to Nueva Vizcaya last year and realized I did not have my PC charger) I realize I couldn’t properly work without them. Hah!  It’s during these moments that I realize just how much gadget-dependent I am. (But that is not really the point of the post, sorry.)

Back to tangling and untangling. This afternoon, as I crouched down to yet again untangle and unknot my cords, a thought hit me: cords are very much like us. No matter how careful we are, we always get caught up in tangles we never wanted to find ourselves in. And no matter how often we untangle ourselves, we just keep getting knotted up and tangled. I involuntarily shook my head at the idea.

I went on with my untangling; my fingers getting impatient every second. Then I realized that one of the cords had to be removed from the socket for me to completely untangle them. I proceeded to do just that. But then, I realized that if I do it, I would be unplugging my internet connection. Because I was working on something important, I decided not to untangle the cords yet and let them stay messed up until I finished what I was working on.

Needless to say, I paused with my untangling and continued with my work.

But now, as I look back to what transpired this afternoon, another thought hit me and it was this: “We tend to postpone fixing our lives because we think that our mess can wait until we are done with what we perceive to be more important. And, even when we know that we need to do some drastic measure to fix our lives, like uprooting something, we decide not to — or at least not just yet, until we are ready.

What do you think?

[PS: As I was typing my wrap-up question, an idea hit me (yeah, again!): That perhaps the tangling/knotting up of my cords was not meant to annoy me, but to teach me a lesson on patience. Hmmm… that sounds like a better way of looking at it. ;-) ]

//Sherma E. Benosa

10 June 2008; 11:15pm

________________

PLUG: Latest at The Witten World – TELL ME YOUR SONG. 

She was leaning comfortably on a passenger jeepney savouring the upholstered seats after a long tedious walk. I was beside her all the time. And with Lolo too, who was counting his coins for the fare. It was a normal scene inside the jeepney, and the noisy chaotic environment outside. My eyes faded away from her for a second when I heard her scream.

Click.. Click.. Click..

"Mommy, ok lang po ba kayo?" I asked my Lola unaware of what happened. My eyes were alert that time and the fear inside of me grew. I saw her hands holding her ears. Then I saw a man running further away to the saturated crowd. A thief grabbed her gold-plated earrings outside the widely-opened jeepney window and ran. The incident happened so fast. I was so worried for her but still alarmed from what happened I was left hanging.

People inside were panicking and was concerned.  But he never think twice. My Lolo tried to chase the thief without hesitation. Despite old age he managed to swiftly go out from the jeepney to chase the thief. It was an amazing scene. I felt like chasing the thief too but my Lola imperatively stopped him. She opt to lose her gold-plated earring than risk losing the most valuable person in her life. My Lolo followed her, but I saw in him pure nobility. He'll risk everything for my Lola.