first, i had to have my picture taken.  you heard me, they took a picture (of my face, thank you) to put on file.  is there a big problem with people stealing other's identities and getting papsmears for them?  is it like sending someone else to take your finals?  i don't get it, i just wish they'd told me before i left my house with NO makeup on and hadn't brushed my hair since i woke up.  that's awesome.

so then i waited my 20 minutes in the waiting room because i was on time so naturally i should be punished.  then they weighed me, marveled at the weight difference from what was on my chart a year ago and stuffed me into a room to get nekkid.  i always find it kind of insulting that they think you won't realize you've been waiting almost an hour for a 90second appointment if they move you around to enough areas of the office.  when my doc finally came in the room she gave me the somewhat patronizing "wow,  you look great!".  um, yah, you probably see 20 people a day and you see me once a year.  you have no clue what i've ever looked like and you don't fool me.  so we finally got past the niceities and got down to business.

i'm sick of spotting for 2 weeks, i'm sick of the mood swings, and i'm VERY sick of the sun'stache.  i need a new method!  she also pointed out that the reason i've put on all this weight in the last year is probably beacuse of the pill i've been on... how did i never think of that?  so we went through the pill-less options.  and they're not for me.  i've given thought to the IUD but an obgyn friend said she didn't recommend them.  when i mentioned this to my doc she said "yah well sometimes when they're inserted they get pushed through the uterus which obviously causes problems.  but that doesn't happen that often."  uhh... come again?!?  THROUGH my uterus?!?  no thank you.  and the nuvaring... sounds great, except it comes out with "one swipe of the finger" and all i could think is, mine or his?? (tmi i know)

so she had a new pill and i said that i'd give it a shot, it's either that or stay on the one i'm on.  she said that the estrogen & progesterone in this are different than loestrin so i shouldn't get the same side effects.  here's to hoping the ones it does cause aren't worse.  so she wrote me a prescription and handed me some samples.  as soon as i got home i decided to google them to see what people were saying about them.  that's when i noticed it.  right there on the box.

chewable.

no lie.  chewable birth control!  WTF?!  who are they marketing these to?  i can't help but think of Joe the Camel.  my goodness.  i'm sorry but if you can't swallow a pill that's the size of an apple seed maybe sex isn't something you're ready to be involved in.  oh yah, and they're spearmint flavored.

what will they think of next?!

oh, and the name?  femcon.  as M said, how creative.  i'll be starting them in about 2wks so i'll be sure to update you in a few months because i know you're all very curious about my female issues and birth control habits.

~ today i learned... the bull frog is the only reptile that doesn't sleep ~

i started a million posts this weekend.  unfortunately they were all in my head and as soon as i got to my computer i forget each and every one.

so here's a good 'ol fallback style list...

• DSW is good... or bad.  i returned a pair of shoes i bought online at the local store.  they told me how much money i was getting back on my card and i started to argue with the girl at the counter.  she just didn't get it so she called over a manager.  i kept trying to tell them i had used a coupon when i purchased the shoes so i didn't pay that much for them.  they insisted that they had to give me back the full price... there was no way to override it in the system.  whatever.  i made $6 in that return but now i feel perpetually guilty.
• M has agreed to check out locations and start the planning.  ring or no ring.  we're getting this show on the road.
• i contemplated many career changes and even going back to school this weekend.  we thought of many businesses that we should be starting.  we have yet to move forward on any of these things.
• i discovered that UPop is back on the air!  but was it really necessary for Avril Lavigne to cover The Scientist??  i'm not even a coldplay fan and found this totally absurd
• i've come to terms with my fleeting fascinations.  i get involved in something and then decide "this is what i'm meant to do!  i'm going to do THIS for the rest of my life!"  uhh... yah, until i start doing something else next month and come to the same conclusion.
• i've alway known that Cheesecake Factory served a great chicken salad sammy, then i found out they had a mean strawberry shortcake and now i know they have an awesome guacamole!  who would have thunk it?  now if only there wasn't an hour wait any time any day
• i have 2 apples at M's and i'm kicking myself for forgetting them.  oh how i could go for one right now.
• i'm waiting for my sister to send me pictures from the trip so i can do my post about wedding dresses... yay!

hope everyone had a good weekend!

  ~ today i learned... an average yawn is six seconds long. ~

have a great weekend everyone!  i'll probably be back next thursday. 

~ todayyesterday i learned... the word "ort".  it means a scrap or morsel, a bit leftover. ~

i thought about a post dedicated to how i've realized a connection between my singing voice and my period and wondering if professional singers get this too?  does Madonna schedule her tour around her menstrual cycle?  because i'm no celine dion, anyone who knows me will vouch for that, but that doesn't stop me from belting out any song i know (even some i don't know) at the top of my lungs.  this usually happens at home when i'm alone, or even in the car.  in the car by myself there's usually a little shoulder action to jazz it up.  actually when i started singing in the car with M i knew i really loved him... that was before we ever started dating too.  anyhow, i was going to comment on the fact that the week before my period i seem to be able to carry a tune better than any other week... at least it sounds like it in my head.  and then the week of my period?  oh heaven help us all.  it's bad.  and for me to say that?  i've heard my voice when i used to tape record myself singing, i can't imagine it's much different 20 years later but i just don't have a tape recorder to find out.  anyway, that was going to be my post.

but instead i've been cleaning.  and making lists.  lists of what still needs to be cleaned.  lists of what to pack for my big trip to CT and my meet & greet with NKOTB (that's right... eat your heart out!)   i'm going to pick up my car from the shop in a little bit (they finished it a day early!) and then i'm coming back to finish cleaning.  tonight i pick up an awesome friend from the train station and then the fun girl's weekend will commence.  i got really excited last night when i decided to take her out for scungili when she gets here... oh i hope she likes scungili!  and then when she leaves M will be back in town... then next week i have 2 lunches with friends, 1 night of drinks to catch up with an old roommate, and a meeting for my women's club function that i volunteered for (there will be wine... that's the only reason i really go!).  then i have my annual and a couple hours later i leave for CT.   all this and i'm still supposed to be getting work done too. 

things are getting crazy.  hopefully they won't leave me blank but instead with plenty of stories and inspiration.

thank fuck it's friday

have a great weekend everyone!!
  

~ today i learned...horses and rabbits cannot vomit (still nothing compares to the frog )~

- i read my mail in the bathroom.  it's the first thing i do when i walk in the door.  i'll read an entire magazine or catalog just sitting in there.  i guess it's just my way of decompressing after a long day.  i find it so relaxing to just spend time sitting in there... even when i don't have to go.

- i talk to myself.  all the time.  out loud.  i have entire conversations with me.  i think know i got this one from my mom (along with many others).  i'll talk about my day, bitch about something, i'll have an entire conversation.  when i had dogs i used to talk to them.  i always assumed they were in agreeance with me though.  if i ever thought they disagreed and we had a conversation about it then it might be time to call it quits.

- i know this one will gross most people out but... i smell my socks.  not in a freaky disturbing way.  i just smell my socks when i take them off.  i don't even know why.  i guess it's just a measure of how active my day was or something.

- i despise the sound of whistling.  i'm not sure when i began to dislike it, but i do.  and whenever i hear someone do it, it makes my skin crawl.  i basically scream inside my head.

- i'm always paranoid that i didn't flush.  i'll go back and check multiple times.  of course it's only gotten worse since that one time i checked only to see that i actually hadn't.  it's just so routine to get up, turn around, and flush that i forget whether i've done it or not.  when i'm out in public i stress about it for a long time once i get back to my seat.  i try to envision those last seconds and whether i remember doing it or not.

- my mother drives me insane.  so maybe this isn't an unusual thing but the woman is crazy!  i love her more than anything in this world though, nothing will ever mean more to me than her, but after about an hour with her i need a break.  she's too intense.  and god do i hate being so far away from her.

- i keep stock on pregnancy tests.  i've always taken them when a relationship was in trouble.  i don't know if it's because i'd get nervous that something terrible was going to happen or if it's because i hoped that if i was it would save the relationship.  no matter what, i'm so not ready for kids and glad that something like that never changed a relationship from where it was headed.  i'm right where i'm supposed to be.

- i check my email waaay too often.  and i'm always hoping there's going to be something amazing in there.  and i'm a little bummed every time there isn't.

- i set my alarm clock ahead by a random amount of time.  i don't calculate it because i don't want to know exactly how much.  but i set my alarm to make up for that time.  if i want to get up at 7:30 and think my clock is about 30 minutes fast, i'll set it for 8.  defeats the point, i know.  my car is set fast too... i have no clue how fast but i think it's approaching an hour.

- i don't like walking around in bare feet.  i take my shoes off the second i get home but have to have socks or slippers on immediately.  i go to sleep with my socks on, but get too hot and take them off in my sleep.  whenever i change the sheets i find miscellaneous socks strewn about.

- i laugh when i'm nervous.  job interviews, funerals, dates, whatever.  it's like an awful tick, i hate it.

- i watch too much Law & Order on some days.  then i have a hard time leaving the house or staying in it.  i called my boyfriend up in tears once because i was convinced someone was in my place.  turns out i had just watched an all day marathon.

- i glance in the mirror too many times a day.  especially if i think i look good, i like to take it in on those days to make up for hte days when i can't stand to look in the mirror.  i guess i'm vain, not completely convinced though but probably am.

- i'm so anal retentive about being prepared for anything.  i play out entire conversations in my head over and over.  i even write them out sometimes.  i have to prepare for every possible outcome.

- i don't like people seeing my ears.  they stick out and i hate the way they look uncovered.  if i pull my hair back i use bobbypins to hold the sides over my ears, i wear a fleece headband that covers my ears when i go running so i can put my hair up in a full ponytail... even in the summer.  i'd rather go out of the house without makeup than with my ears showing.  (i do have to admit this has gotten better since i've been in the relationship i'm in... i don't care as much about how i look to others)

- i get irritated when people say that they look like someone famous... especially when they look nothing like them.  it's one thing for people to tell you that you look like someone, it's another to insist you look like someone fabulous.

- i am obsessive about picking at my cuticles, fingernails & toenails.  i like to split the nails and then file them down.  i like to pick at my cuticles with a safety pin and then cut them off like i'm supposed to.  it's not very ladylike and it's probably one step away from being as gross as biting toenails but whatever.

i'm sure i've mentioned some of these before.  and i'm sure there are many more. 

~ today i learned... the sandwich is named after the 4th Earl of Sandwich to facilitate simultaneous eating and gambling (a man after my own heart!) ~

apparently i have a weak gag reflex.  and it seems to be getting worse.  i used to throw up alot but it had nothing to do with my gag reflex, or an eating disorder, it had to do with my partying lifestyle.  i was young and my preferred method of enjoying my weekend outings was the good 'ol boot & rally (for those of you who did not defile their bodies every weekend like i did and don't know what that is, it's when you drink until you can't possibly drink anymore.  we all know that feeling when you know the next shot is going to make you puke, but in this method you take it anyway.  and as soon as you walk out from the bathroom, or alley, wherever, you go straight to the bar to get another drink.  is it a drinking problem?  i dunno, but it was my way of not being the wet blanket on the party.  it's also why i went into work still drunk on many occasions).  anyhoo... i thought that this familiarity with the process of throwing up would leave me immune to the gagging stuff.  i was wrong.

recently i gagged at the dentist's office when they were taking molds.  the second that goopy stuff hit the back of my throat my body screamed NOOOOO! and with people holding my mouth open the only way my body could say this was to make me gag, repeatedly, until they removed the goop.

when my nieces were visiting last month one of them choked on bacon at my kitchen table.  not only do i freeze when this happens (god help my poor future children because with all my years of babysitting under my belt i've somehow recently developed a debilitating fear of children choking to death in front of me... i freeze right up) but as she choked the bacon back up everything else she'd eaten came up too.  all over my tablecloth.  all over my plates.  all over.  and while i stood there frozen, not able to help the poor thing, i started to gag.  so i decided to turn toward the kitchen to begin cleanup while my sister and mom stuck their fingers in to retrieve the bacon from her throat.  as i handed over the paper towels i gagged.  as i pulled off the dirty tablecloth to clean it i gagged.  i couldn't get near any of it without gagging.  i had to leave the room entirely at one point because it was about to go past just gagging.

then when we were down visiting one of M's friends the guy's daughter had some sort of cold or something.  she was all stuffy and you could hear it in her nose, that alone grosses me out.  then we were out at dinner and she sneezed.  and boogers went everywhere.  one even landed on my hand.  i tried to discreetly wipe it off with a napkin and i was able to hide my gagging.  but i couldn't eat anything that was on the table after that.  i tried to dip a fry into my ranch and gagged.  it never made it into my mouth.  then later as we were about the leave the little girl was standing next to the table and she sneezed again... one giant slimy one was on her face, i gagged.  M handed her a napkin and she wiped.  but she wiped the giant glob across her face and up into her eye.  i continued to gag.  it took a good 10 minutes for me to stop gagging.  i just kept seeing it in my head and couldn't stop.

one time after my niece was potty trained i was hanging out in the bathroom with her while she was going and for some reason i started gagging.  could have been the smell of #2 but it wasn't anything extraordinary, just poo.  and yet, you guessed it, i gagged.

i don't get it.  i used to change nasty baby diapers all the time.  i used to clean up their baby spit up and toddler vomit.  now i can't handle any of it.  heck, typing the story about the snot made me gag just thinking about it again.  so why do they say that when it's your own kid it won't bother you?  do you just become numb to it?  or are there people out there that are bothered by it and can't clean up their kids? 

because i'm just keeping my fingers crossed right now that it's true... or else my children will be in for some serious cleaning of themselves, and M will not be thrilled either.

~ today i learned... Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.~

Une vieille dame est assassinée à Oxford. Son corps est découvert par deux hommes qui se rencontrent à ce moment-là pour la première fois : Arthur Seldom, un grand professeur de mathématique et de logique et Martin, un étudiant qui vient d'arriver dans l'université et qui rêve d'étudier avec Seldom. Rapidement d'autres meurtres ont lieu, tous annoncés par des symboles bien singuliers. Martin et le professeur s'associent pour retrouver les pièces du puzzle. Rien ne sera comme il paraît. L'identité du meurtrier sera une réelle surprise et son motif encore plus.

Pour changer, Elijah Wood va se perdre en Angleterre, comme il a l’habitude de le faire. C’est ça, une carrière loin des gros studios ! Dans le film, on retrouve d’ailleurs Burn Gorman (pour ceux qui regardent Torchwood) dans un petit rôle. Il n’est pas mauvais comme acteur quand il ne joue pas Owen dans ses grands moments insupportables.
So, j’ai donc visionné le film, vous vous en doutez, hein ! et ce n’est pas trop mal pour faire passer une soirée. C’est bien monté et les acteurs sont convaincants. Personnellement, je n’avais pas tout deviné, donc quelques surprises sur la fin. Ce n’est jamais déplaisant ce genre de choses.

Bra Boys

L'histoire des surfeurs issus du mouvement undeground en Australie

Pour ne pas changer une équipe qui gagne, encore une fois, j’ai regardé ce documentaire fourni par Fabien. Ouais, je sais, mais pourquoi se fatiguer à les chercher quand quelqu’un le fait pour vous ? À vrai dire, je ne connaissais pas du tout, et honnêtement, je n’ai rien contre un peu de culture, car je l’admets, moi l’Australie, je n’y connais rien. Alors, je regarde The Hollowmen, quoi, c’est tout ! N’empêche, j’aurais appris quelques trucs en faisant des recherches sur la série. A chaque fois d’ailleurs que je découvre une œuvre australienne, j’apprends forcément quelque chose, car, vraiment, je ne connais que trop peu de ce pays. Cela m’avait pas mal marqué leur côté très raciste dans Summer Heights High, ce n’est pas Bra Boys qui va les faire passer pour des gens tolérants ! Le surfeur n’est pas vraiment l’ami de l’Australien (allez savoir ce qui ne tourne pas trop rond…).
Franchement, ce que j’ai préféré, c’est les scènes de surf justement, c’est vachement impressionnant, mais le mec qui a filmé (un Bra Boys), il était au cœur de l’action !
Ce n’est donc pas toujours bonheur bonheur ce qu’on nous raconte, mais pour les mecs, c’est surtout un état d’esprit, un style de vie, une sorte de communauté. Ils sont soudés, et d’une certaine façon, c’est ça qui les empêche de faire des conneries plus grosses qu’eux. Ce n’est pas pour cela que ça n’arrive pas.
C’est une immersion intéressante, mais j’ai connu aussi bien plus captivant en docu.

Perfect Strangers (dangereuse séduction)

Rowena est une journaliste d'investigation. Lorsqu'elle découvre que Harrison Hill, le très puissant publicitaire, est peut-être lié au meurtre de son amie, elle décide de mener son enquête. Pour se faire et l'approcher, elle va endosser deux identités, celle de Katherine, une intérimaire employée de sa société et Veronica, une jeune femme avec laquelle Hill flirte sur internet.

Dans le cadre de mon club ciné – ou nous sommes deux, moi et Mag, mais on s’en fout, c’est un club ! – nous avons regardé Perfect Strangers. Bon, le concept du club est de se voir une à deux fois par mois et la personne chez qui cela se passe choisit le film. Donc, c’était chez Mag. Cela faisait longtemps que j’avais vu un film en français, ça m’a fait bizarre au début.
Le film est long à démarrer. Vraiment long. La première partie, ça traine, c’est trop classique, trop prévisible. La suite relève bien le niveau, car on se met à soupçonner tout ce qui bouge, tous les perso, et impossible de se fixer. C’est bien ficelé, même si oui, assez classique, et un peu too much sur la fin.
Ce n’est donc pas mémorable, mais la seconde partie du film relève pas mal la barre.

for today:

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! 

you know who you are
i can't wait for you to come visit next weekend when we can celebrate!  i hope you have a WONDERFUL day!  enjoy it! (i must go clean now)

for tomorrow:
GO HOKIES!

for everyone else:
have a great weekend!

~ today i learned... the dog on the cracker jack boxes is named Bingo ~

the process is actually much simpler than i had thought actually.  but a few hours into snapping my first tray into place i started to really think about it.  i'm going to be doing this process for the next 8 1/2 months... 34 weeks... 238 days!  that's a long time.  this is a commitment.  and later that night after struggling with them a few time to get them out, and after popping a few rapid release tylenol for the minor pain, i really sat back and thought hard about it.  this is my mouth baby.  it's costing me an obscene amount of money (given my meager salary and lack of bonus) and i've just signed up for almost 9 months of discomfort and a minor change if lifestyle but at the end of this process i will have something wonderful, straight white teeth!  i've always wanted that (much like a baby, see all the similarities)!  so i will from here on out refer to it as my mouth baby at all times.

so if you're curious, like i was, about the actual process and not just what the marketing people paraphrase into 2 brief paragraphs i'll give you a little list of what i've learned so far and how it's changing my life...

• they say you'll feel pain for the first 48-72hrs of each new tray (you start new trays every 2 weeks) - i only felt pain for the first 24hrs of my very first tray.  i think that's a good sign but we'll see once i get more trays under my belt, er tongue... lips?  whatever
• they don't tell you there are brackets until you are into the process already - they make little rectangles with tooth colored enamel on the outside of a few teeth.  this is not the end of the world, and i see why you need them but they tear the shit out of the inside of your lips for the first few days... they neglect to mention this but luckily i already knew the magical powers of baby orajel from when my wisdom teeth tried to come through... it totally works on the lips
• the first time you take the trays out to eat is an experience - i was in the bathroom of a restaurant that first night almost in tears after 20 minutes of not being able to get them out.  the pain doesn't help at this point.  but although it may not seem like it at first you WILL develop a process for getting them out quickly.  it takes me 30 seconds to get both trays out now... with zero pain
• the first time you eat after having them in is not fun - you're teeth become very tender very quickly.  you'll want to eat everything back on your molars.  it took a few days for this feeling to go away but it eventually will. 
• you will drool in your sleep.  alot!
• brushing the trays and your teeth becomes a major chore!  i spend At Minimum an hour a day brushing my teeth and trays now.  it's not cool.  but on the other hand i'm brushing my teeth 4x a day so they'll be cleaner than ever before.
• stock up on moisturizer and vaseline - your hands will become very dry from the toothpaste that covers them when you're brushing the aligners and your lips will be super dry for a week or so.
• people will stare at you in the public restroom - if it's a single bathroom they will pull on the door handle at least 3x before you're done brushing & cleaning 2 tray... they'll probably think you've eaten something very bad and are having  a little trouble in there... at least that's the look they give you when you finally walk out.
• there is no discreet way to haul a bag of your trays in their container, toothbrush, and toothpaste into the public restroom... even in a purse.  your coworkers will think you've always got your period because you're hauling your bag into the bathroom every single day.
• if it's a multistall/multisink bathroom complete strangers will watch ogle as you snap them into place or pop them out.  they're intrigued.  they'll even talk to you while you're brushing your teeth.  you'll learn how to speak without blowing foamy toothpaste all over them.
• if you're a snacker like i am, you'll be hungry the first few days.  VERY hungry! - i'm finally learning the art of eating just 3 meals and a snack before bed.  however these meals now consist of the meals i used to eat and also the snacks i would have previously had in between the meals.
• you'll learn that you're addicted to chocolate - i made this connection in the first 48 hours.  i was not nice.  i didn't even want to be around me.  i need chocolate/sugar/caffeine to be functional... i'm trying to remember to eat some chocolate after each meal to tide me over until the next meal
• you'll sometimes look like a pig - trying to eat 12 hours worth of snacks in 2 meals make you chew fast, down sodas, and basically shovel food into your mouth... even at a restaurant.  the clock is always ticking... you're paying good money and you want to have them in as long as possible each day to get the best result.
• if you weren't a big water drinker you'll become one - soda used to be one of my snacks but you won't want to drink that with them in so water it is (anything with sugar or coloring will stay in your trays and will just be held against your teeth... and you don't want cavities once it's all over). 
• you'll pee alot more because of the water.

these things may not sound so great, and i'm sure there are lessons i've learned that i'm not even touching on but you see how busy i've been for the last week.  i've already experimented with drinking wine and beer with them on.  it's not an issue.  you just want to rinse as soon as possible after. 

overall, i adapt to change pretty well and, while it's taken a few days, i've adapted wonderfully to my mouth baby so far.  the end result will FAR out weight any inconveniences i'm encountering along the way.

... i'm hungry : (

~ today i learned... an ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain ~

sorry ruskis.

~ today i learned... ironically the fear of long words is a phobia by the name of hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.~

What was your fav tgif show?

when a girl is tired of her hairstyle she'll dye it from her dark brown color to platinum blonde or maybe from a sunny color to a deep red.  or worse she'll decide to chop off her shoulder blade length locks in a fit of desire.  it always seems like a good idea at the time.  i mean when you just want something new, anything will do, right?  not always.  making hasty decision can often seem like a good idea for a little while but in the long run you realize that your hair looked good before, and you just wanted something different and you would have been happy with a few layers or angles but now you have to wait for the color to come out or for it to grow back before you're happy with it again.

so many times i've tossed something and said "i'll get a new one" only to later wish i had my original back.  i'll change the flavor of gum i'm carrying around just to change it up, but i love the raspberry mint flavor, it's just that after a few packs i feel like i need something different.  each time i put the orange flavor piece in my mouth i wish i'd bought my favorite raspberry mint.

sometimes people are so desperate for change that they'll force it hastily.  in today's world we're spoiled.  there are endless options.  too many to ever enjoy.  so sometimes we decide to make changes just because we can.  or maybe it's because we feel like it's what's expected, it's the "next step".  unfortunately we often look for change without thinking about the long run effect.  what's worked for us in the past?  is it broken?  if not, why would you try to fix it?  is this new change going to make us happy in a couple of weeks?  in a couple of years?  or are we just going to wish we could take back the change we made, and keep things running the way they were before?

i know i've made alot of changes i wish i could take back but it doesn't work that way.  once you make that change you're stuck with it, at least until the next opportunity for change comes around.  so next time you feel the need to make a change make sure you really know what you're doing.  are you changing because it's the right thing for you?  or are you changing for the sake of change?  because you're bored.  often it's tough to tell the difference.

~ today i learned... a slug has 4 noses ~

~ today i learned... an elephant can smell water from 3 miles away ~

i bring in 2 sodas every time i come to work.  one to have with lunch and one to drink on my hour and a half ride home.  now i guess i will drove home thirsty today.  the only other alternative is to stop at a gas station and buy a $1 soda with a credit card.

Son Of A Bitch!

i'm SO f-in pissed!

seriously!?!  who does that?!?  you know you didn't bring it in, why did you decide to take it??  GRRRRRR.  i'm SO pissed!  we're all adults here i don't get how this happens!  i'm tempted to be one of those a-holes who sends out cutesy emails copying the entire company thanking them for doing something ridiculously stupid but i just can't make myself do it.  i know it sounds petty to be this pissed about a wild cherry pepsi but i was really looking forward to it!  and someone stole that pleasure from me, not to mention a dollar and change that it's going to cost me to replace it so i don't dehydrated or choke on my commute.

fuck!  i'm that pissed.  just FFFUCK!!

it was one of those days that just leaves you feeling conflicted.  as soon as you start to get bummed you begin to smile.  it was just like that.

you see M spent part of the day at a memorial service.  not a completely bizarre event, because that's life.  but the service was for his former associate.  a guy who worked under him for the last, i dunno let's say 5+ years.  a guy who was only a couple years past 30.  a guy who was way too young to go.  a guy who left behind a wife and 3 kids.  a young wife and 3 youngkids.  a guy who i was told was given a week or two to live only 24hrs before i was told he passed away.  i didn't go to the service.  not because i didn't want to, because i did.  i'd met him a couple of times, we worked on passing projects together but i just didn't know him the way M did.  and while i normally would pay my respects by attending, M was going with his former team.  i told him that if he wanted to go with just them then it would be fine with me.  that was a lie.  i really hate knowing that i didn't get a last chance to show his family how many people actually cared about him.  while there were plenty of people there, and i'm sure i was not missed, it still bothers me for selfish reasons.  and even more selfishly i was upset because i know that some of the wives went.  and part of me feels like if i were a "wife" M would have maybe wanted me to be there.  i dunno.  we have a bad history when it comes to funerals so i still don't really know what to make of it.  i mean when i go i like to have someone there to comfort me, especially if they knew the person to.  it's something about the services.  there's always a moment when you just appreciate how short and precious life is, and i like being able to hold someone's hand at that moment, to turn to them and be able to force a smile.  because at that moment it's nice to know that you're not alone, that you're loved.  but i think M approaches these differently.  he doesn't get visibly upset, i know alot of guys don't.  so maybe it's part of that macho "i can do this on my own" feeling, or maybe it's a "i don't want you to see me like this" feeling.  either way, i know my feelings about this are selfish.  but it still doesn't wash away the sadness i feel for this man and his family and best friends.

so while M and i are passing messages about his sad day i was also getting messages from S.  her 2nd little boy was born the same day and i'm proud to report he's happy and healthy.  the birth of a new baby always makes me cry, i'm just like that.  it's something about the awesomeness of life that just blows me away.  how amazing certain things are and what a difference they make.  but each time she sent me a picture or we talked for a few minutes i was full smiles, over the tears anyway.  and then when the next message from M would come in those smiles would wash away.

it was just one of those Circle of LIfe days, where it all becomes so clear.  we lose someone, we gain someone.  there's no getting around it.  life's short.  and you never know exactly how short yours will be.  that's such a crazy feeling.

guys may want to avert their ears/eyes for fear of having a "sexy" idea ruined.  but i need to get some answers on this.  so, what's up with girls going commando?  it doesn't make sense to me.  i totally understand how guys do it, "freeballing".  so they're just not supported, not big deal.  but for girls i feel like there's much more to it.  there's no issue of support but i don't care who you are it's a scientific fact that liquid comes out of your girl parts.  okay, i know that was waaay too much gross detail but it's true.  so this is why i don't get it.  how do girls manage to wear silk dresses, or ANYTHING, with no undies and yet not have any marks or spots?

am i crazy?  is there something totally obvious that i'm missing?  have i been led to believe i'm normal by my doctors all these years but i'm really a freak of nature?  seriously!  has anyone ever gone commando?  how do you avoid this problem??

and if you've never had anything come out of your girls parts like i mentioned, then please share.  because i really am curious about this.  and i know we all talk to our girlfriends and read magazines and google phrases to make sure the things our bodies are doing are normal.  but sometimes you hear what you want to hear too.  so if you totally disagree i'd love to know.

because i've always been curious but not quite curious enough to test it out myself.  how does it work?

~ today i learned... the melting point of cocoa butter is just below the human body temperature -- which is why it literally melts in your mouth. ~

you see with the jobs i've had in recent years i've always been connected to sports and entertainment industry professionals.  therefore i've been able to go to just about any event and even better, i always go VIP.  private suites, free food and booze, backstage passes, meet the celebrities, the whole shebang.  for this concert M and i just decided we'd go, i didn't call in any favors.  i knew we'd have a great time and it was a great excuse to go out of town and stay somewhere even if only for one night. 

everything was great.  until we got to the venue.  we sidled up to the bar and waited.  and waited.  kept throwing elbows to maintain our place and kept waiting.  then finally we'd get service.  $6 for a beer?  seriously??  people always pay for this? 

then we made our way to the floor in front of the stage.  beer everywhere.  my poor beautiful expensive (even on sale) flats sticking to the floor.  i tried to ignore that.  what i couldn't ignore were the a-holes everywhere.  people dancing right into me.  people stepping, nay, standing on my toes.  one jerk even decided he was above the laws of the smoke free establishment and lit up a cigarette right next to me... about 6 times throughout the show.  i was tempted to raise my hand and tell on him.  i was in this mess for about a minute when i realized that it's SO not for me.  the show was great.  phenomenal even.  but watching it like this?  not nearly as enjoyable.  i can't deal with people who won't even leave me an inch of personal space.  and i can't even tell you how many dirty looks i gave people, or how many times i gently shoved the person next to or in front of me, just a simple hint to let them know they're literally standing on me!  uggh... i don't like it.

the worst part was that i had beer spilled on me 3 times.  all from M.  he warned me that it was probably going to happen but by the time he was that drunk i'd had it with the event in general and may have snapped at him.  but he doesn't remember that.  he doesn't remember much from that night.  just having a good time.  which is all i could ask for.  he doesn't remember alot of the walk back to the hotel where i tried to keep him walking straight and upright.  he doesn't remember getting up about 5 times in the middle of the night, once walking to the bathroom, turning immediately and walking to the closet, and then turning back to the bathroom.  i found all of this highly entertaining.  we don't drink often.  therefore i don't see M smashed much at all.  when he is i'm usually drunk too and we're at his house and all that happens is he disappears.  i always find him later sound asleep in bed.  he's so cute.

anyway, back to the concert.  when we got there i saw a guy with his kids.  i thought, "oh how cute.  he's exposing his kids to his music.  i can totally see M doing that someday (should they still be playing that far in the future)."  then as the night wore on i continued to glance in that general direction.  the kids were still there with their dad, just smiling and listening.  part way through the headlining band i realized it was after midnight, and they were saying "fuck" a lot.  i glanced over and the kids were still there.  it was about 2am when all said and done.  what i thought was cute and fun when i saw it at 9pm quickly became something i found highly inappropriate at midnight.  these kids were young.  too young to be hearing these words and out this late.  heck, i could barely stay awake.

oh well, to each his own i guess.

~ today i learned... apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. ~

so just in case we go out to eat one day and i make some jokes, here you go, now you can get it too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1ZZWhSvOMI

~ today i learned...Turtles can breathe through their butts ~

i've never had one before.

they're complimentary at my salon (to which, for the money i pay for a freakin haircut i say Damn Right!)

so i'm taking up 10 minutes of my stylist's day tomorrow at no cost.

here's where i need help...

do i tip? 

i assume so, but then how much?

i hate tipping... it always makes me anxious.

any help is greatly appreciated!

incompetent workplace = stress

drama causing mom = unnecessary stress

possible job interview = more (positive) stress

lacking bank account = unavoidable stress

unintentional shopping sprees = self-inflicted stress (also helps negate the other stresses but it's really a catch 22)

anyway, that's really all that's going on.

and in important news... tomorrow at Cheesecake Factory all cheesecake slices are $1.50.  i suggest you put it on your calendar!

~ today i learned... a "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second ~

i'm never sure what to say after compliments.  and some compliments are more complicated than others.  sometimes i'm not even sure that the thing being said to me, in a sugary tone, is a compliment.  i know i'm not the only person out there who doesn't know how to react to compliments.  i usually lean towards the self-deprecating responses which aren't always well received themselves.  i'm also not a person who compliments freely.  i am either trying very hard or it's something that i just can't resist.

so when anyone feels compelled to say to someone "why don't you ever wear makeup?" what are they trying to say??

because i get this often.  more often than i'd like in fact.  sometimes it comes in a different form like when i'm complaining about makeup i tend to get shocked looks.   people seem completely caught off guard to find out that yes, i wear makeup.  and i'm never sure if i should be flattered by that or offended. 

i mean on one hand it could be nice that people think i naturally look good.  or that i'm SO good at doing makeup that it never looks like i have any on.  those would be good things.

but then i wonder if people are shocked because they assumed that if i wore makeup i'd look better.  or does it mean that i'm so bad at doing my makeup that i look like i have no makeup on and should go put some on?

i personally feel like i put on a decent amount of makeup before i head out into public.  yes, i put more on for evening events or more formal events, but for the most part it takes me 20 minutes to do my makeup on a regular day.  and i know that after a half day has gone by most of my makeup has soaked into my skin (does anyone know the science behind this?  where does it all go??  seriously, where does the makeup go?  is it in my blood?  is my under-dermis all colored in blushing rose rouge and fawn eyeshadow?) so i may not be wearing much makeup when people make these comments.  but i don't get it.  and what am i supposed to do to avoid it?  i don't want to look like a fool when i walk out of the house with way too much makeup on, but then again i don't want to hear that it doesn't look like i should have makeup on. 

i guess it all comes down to whether it's a compliment or an insult.  and apparently i'm not very good at telling the two apart.

~ today i learned... fear of beards is called "pogonophobia" ~

mine started out when i was getting my life in order.  that's when realized that not only was i not getting any younger but instead i was rapidly aging.  it also helped that the book that changed my financial position in life, smart women finish rich (highly, highly recommend to anyone who's ever been in debt or tends to live paycheck to paycheck... it's phenomenal!) suggested putting your goals down on paper too.  while my list was not financially based, in order to do anything in life you kinda need money to do it.

i was going to make a list of "10 things to do in the next 10 years" but instead i just made a 10 year list.  just things to complete in 10 years period.  i was hesitant to define how many things it needed to be because i didn't want to be locked in to a single number.  plus i wanted to be able to add goals to it as i pleased.  and i have.  right now my list is more than 10 things/goals.  and i'm happy to say that with 6 years left i've already crossed off a few things.  and i'm hoping to cross off another one soon.  of course there are some things on here that are personal and i will not share, but i am starting to struggle with my commitment to a few of the other items.

for example:

• play 18 holes under 100 - taking golf lessons was my first step toward meeting this goal.  it was moving along well until i kinda went on a couple of dates with my instructor.  once i told him it really wasn't gonna work for us i kinda had to stop taking lessons.  i'm not down with the awkward moments.  and since i started my job last year i haven't picked up a club.  in fact they're way in the back of my closet.  i keep dropping guilt trips on M about not taking me.  afterall the reason i even became interested in golf was to spend more time with him when we were just friends. 
• learn to sail - i still really want to do this.  and even though all sailing classes are at least an hour away, there are a couple of places where you can complete a course in consecutive weekends.  my problem with this?  money.  the cost of a class is a little more than i'm paying for invisalign a month.  so it's really just not going to happen right now.  but it does shoe promise for next year.  once i'm not making these monthly payments on my teeth anymore i should be able to reallocate that money.
• take piano lessons - again, money is a hindrance here.  does anyone know how Not Cheap piano lessons are?   i really haven't put much effort into this one.   it's really low on the list.  but i would love to know how to play something more than the java jive someday.  this is something i'd like to start my kids on early.  i think my desire to learn stems from having a piano growing up and listening to my mom play but never knowing how to do so myself.  and i was reluctant to learn whenever the offer was extended.  some things never change.
• see Paris - the city.  there are many places that i want to go and spend time more than paris, but i feel like actually seeing paris, even for 10 minutes, is an essential part of life.  i want to swing through paris on my way to the french riviera, that's the plan.
• learn another language - i'm still working on this one.  i've been learning japanese since M and i started dating.  admittedly i've slacked on it this year, but i really want to get back on it.  and while i can say basic things i'm not crossing this off my list until i feel comfortable with the language.  i don't know how to define that, i just think i'll know it when i get there.  either that or i'll cross it off just to feel accomplished one day : )

there's a few more on the list that i have yet to accomplish.  and while time is only getting shorter, i'd still like to add more.  i've already crossed these ones off...

• visit Miss Chris - this is my west coast grandmother who i never get to see anymore.  the few times i'd seen her when i wrote this were when she'd come out to visit us.  i wanted to go see her.  i was on a business trip out there last year so i decided to fly my mom out with me.  we spent a few days visiting all the places we used to go to when we lived there and visiting miss chris too.  it was a great trip that i'm so glad i got to do.  i wouldn't trade it for anything.
• buy a new car - when i put this one on i stil had my cabrio.  i loved the crap out of that car.  but at the time it was 10 years old and i'd paid it off and was just waiting for it to die.  there are still days when i miss that car, but i love my car now so much more!
• go horseback riding - on a couple of business trips out west i decided to get this crossed off.  my goal was to be able to ride without a guide and ride on a horse that knows how to do more than walk.

like i said before, there are also some personal goals on here that i will not share.  but i think i've done a good job with those also.

i don't think i've put anything on my list that's completely unrealistic.  they're things that could be accomplished.  i just need to want them enough.  enough to save up the money anyway.  basically i need to put down the dress/shoes/handbag/whatever and think about these goals instead.  as you can tell i have a hard time doing that because i tend to think "i want this now.  and it's only $15.  that's notgonna break me." but all of those $15 purchases add up, fast.  i'm already learning how hard it is while i'm (trying to)  not spending any money because of my invisalign.

am i one of the few people who sets goals like this?  are there things you think people should do/see/accomplish in their lifetime?  what kind of goals do you guys have?  i'm looking for more.

~ today i learned... orangutans warn people to stay out of their territory by belching ~

A. Attached or Single? attached.  happily attached. 

B. Best Friend?  S will always be my first whenever i think of my best friend.  but M is my best friend too... and we get to make out : )

C. Cake or pie? sweet potato pie is the best thing in the world!  i can't imagine living without it.  but seeing as i only really like 2 kinds of pie, i'm gonna have to say cake (didn't see that one coming, huh)

D. Day of choice? saturday.  i get to sleep in and it still seems like the possibilties for the weekend are endless.

E. Essential item? chapstick.  i must have it on me at all times.

F. Favorite color? green.  mostly the earth-tone greens and yellowy-greens.

G. Gummy bears or worms? worms.  totally worms.  the best thing ever!  especially the ones with green parts

H. Hometown? born in CA but raised in CT... Richmond is my home Now though

I. Favorite indulgence? cheesy girly movies - girls just wanna have fun, 13 going on 30, etc.  either that or putting on musicals and singing along (preferably while no one else is around) 

J. January or July? July.  january here is cold and gloomy and often rainy.  boo!

K. Kids? someday i hope so.  someday in the not too distant future.  at least one, but no more than 2.

L. Life isn’t complete without? love.  i believe it's the ONLY thing that truly matters

M. Marriage date? tbd (my imaginary wedding is set for spring 2009 though : )

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 1 older sister

O. Oranges or Apples? who can pick between these two?  i love them both!

P. Phobias? car accidents that change your life (paralyze you, kill someone, etc.) and people breaking in during my sleep and torturing/killing me (i watch way too much Law & Order, i know)

Q. Quotes? "the only difference between ordinary and extraodinary is that little extra"

R. Reasons to smile? i could go on forever.  i'm happy, healthy, loved, employed, etc.

S. Season of choice? fall in New England.  spring down here.

T. Tag 5 people: magda, littlespoon, penelope (when she's back), heidi, and you!

U. Unknown fact about me? **deleted by author**

V. Vegetable? cucmbers, string beans, corn, carrots, celery, hanover tomatos ... that's about all i'll eat

W. Worst habit? biting my lips and the skin around my nails.  it's so unattractive.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? have only had x-rays so i'll go with ultrasound.  i hope that my first one is due to a  parasite in my belly that i'm thrilled about (ie. a baby!)

Y. Your favorite food? chicken, steak, baked potato, my mom's potato salad... i can't pick one

Z. Zodiac sign? libra.  the best.

~ today i learned... Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise ~