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American Idol Flashback: She Bangs!

Micah McMillan — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:30:10 +0000

William Hung is perhaps the most famous (infamous?) of all the American Idol rejects. He was so bad that he was actually able to put out an album of his singing--and people bought it just for the badness. This audition was probably the first time I ever saw American Idol and decided it was an okay show (even if Simon Cowell is a bit of a jerk). Here's William Hung, doing what he does best--singing and dancing badly.

Bad grammar: Rules for having a hit song

John in IL — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 02:13:05 +0000

I ain't kiddin'. Your not going to beleive this shit. It don't matter if you know how to speak good. You to can have hit song.

Paula Abdul, The Way That You Love Me:

Paula really outdid herself with this one. 29 "ain'ts" in one song has to be a record (thank you MS Word) . I really don't mind ain't in songs or song titles. Without it, we wouldn't have classics like "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" (11 ain'ts) or "Ain't That a Shame" (10 ain'ts).

Pink Floyd, Another Brick in the Wall:

We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher leave them kids alone
Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!

Classic! I like how the kids in the chorus change "them" to "those". They must have got their education.

Gwen Stefani, Rich Girl:

If I was a rich girl? Yeah bitch, you are a rich girl but if you are going to steal a song, you might as well get it right and use the conditional. See here:

Consumption Junction, What's Your Function?

Trog Pint — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:04:31 +0000

It is a rare occurrence when I end up running errands with my mother but sometimes it happens. We stopped by the grocery store, the mall and the post office on our way to Best Buy. We planned to finish things off at Borders AND Barnes & Noble. This is how I got roped in. Somewhere in the past few weeks I have become a giant book worm. So, my role for most of the excursion was to sit in the car and read, which is fine. I am trying to get my head above water with the reading eight books at the same time project. I have imposed this project on myself because I thought it would be a fun challenge, but it has gotten away from me and is now the reading twelve books at the same time project which is proving to be more daunting than something to do for fun.

Anyway, while we were in Best Buy, I turned in my Ipod to the Geek Squad to be fixed, for the fourth time. I have discovered that the Geek Squad are not actually a team of technology savvy geeks. They are just nerds with very minimal customer service skills and a lot of gel in their hair. They are not really that helpful.

I am not helpful either. Especially when my mother tells me that she wants the new album by the artist that she calls "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?"

Who?

In order to help Karen, the employee that was trying to help my mom, who knew who he was, but couldn't think of the name either, I listed off every single person that I could think of that had come from American Idol. Clay Aiken, Rubben Studdard, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Anastasia and just for kicks I threw in Justin but I felt like that was going to far. All of which I knew were not "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?" It occurred to me later that naming Simon or Paula would have been funnier. They did not get the joke. Maybe I should have said Randy Jackson?

So the three of us were at a loss for the name of "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?" and my mother said that we should ask one of the "young" people because they would know, and I thought, Well shit, I am officially out of touch because even though I am sure that I would not want to listen to "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?" I should probably know his name, or at least who he is. You know like be able to picture him in my head but I know nothing about it at all... whatsoever, nothing, nada, never did.

The skinny, brace faced teenage girl at the register was my mother's chosen "young" person to bestow the pop-knowledge that we pop-seeked. Here is the exchange that took place:

Mom: Excuse me, what is the name of "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box?"

Girl: I don't know

Mom: You don't know? What's wrong with you?

Girl: What's wrong with me? I don't watch American Idol

Me: Hmmm? (eyeing her suspiciously)

Mom: What's wrong with American Idol?

Girl: I don't have time to watch any T.V. I have school and I work thirty hours a week and I have a boyfriend that I have to spend time with.

Me: He makes you spend time with him?

Girl: Yeah

Me: Hmmm? (eyeing her suspiciously)

Girl: He works thirty hours a week too.

Me: But does he know who "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box" is?

Girl: No

The rest of our brief interaction was a typical customer/employee exchange with maybe, a subtext of irritation but I am not sure. There is always a slight malaise when I am out with my mother, I just can never tell where it's coming from. It's like being under the florescent lights at Wal-Mart for too long.

Borders did not have any of the books I wanted. Neither did Barnes & Noble. I guess that is a good thing. My Ipod will be in the shop for the next four to six weeks, again. I still don't know who "the guy from American Idol who does the beat box" is? But my mother did get the sixth season of Monk on DVD. That quirky OCD detective, Isn't Tony Shalhoub fun!

(Disclaimer: At no point in the "excursion" did the writer feel that he was cooler or better in anyway for his lack of knowledge or not lack of knowledge of... the long running television show American Idol.)

10 Things I Fucking HATE

BlackJack Voorhees — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:34:18 +0000

This is a personal list of things I loathe. Not dislike. Not despise. HATE.

10. The Suburbs

[caption id="attachment_542" align="alignleft" width="115" caption="Hell"][/caption]

There's just something wrong with settling for that stereotypical middle class American life. It just seems like a big huge facade. I think half this country's problems could be solved if we just did away with the mind-numbing monstrosity made up of tract homes and cul de sacs. It's like these people have just given up and are waiting patiently to die.

9. American Idol

[caption id="attachment_543" align="alignleft" width="126" caption="Why?"][/caption]

What a grating piece of shit "show". No-talents karaoke their way through songs I fucking hated the first time around while fellow no-talents "judge" them, spitting out forced half-wit quips that only the truly entertainment starved would find mildly amusing. Paula Abdul? Judging a singing competition? That's like Karen Carpenter judging a hot dog eating contest. Fuck you, Karaoke Idol. Fuck you.

8. George Bush

[caption id="attachment_544" align="alignleft" width="189" caption=""I'm sorry.""][/caption]

This is obvious, but I can't leave our beloved "leader" off this list. He slithered his way into office (twice), completely blew the chance at any sort of sane response to 9/11, is responsible for countless deaths and suffering, and makes being an American in a foreign country like being a fat, hairy turd on a freshly laundered white sheet (ie. not welcomed). He robbed us of our civil liberties. Bush, Cheney, fuck - the whole lot of 'em should be charged with treason. If they're patriots, I'll eat a shit sandwich. I can't wait to get rid of these clowns and see America leading the way to whatever once again. Thanks for nothing, Bush.

7. "Green"

I have no problem with doing what I can to help lessen my impact on the environment. Recycle? Sure. Big unquenchable tire fire? Nope. But I really hate these know-nothing-know-it-alls who try to push their social engineering on me. How's this, I'll use half as many resources as Al Gore. Is that cool? I have no idea how many resources Al Gore uses, or if "how many resources" is even proper English, but I'm pretty sure I use less than half of what he does. But more than anything, I hate that smugness that people have when they say they're "Going Green". Just "Go to hell". Some days it seems like the planet would be better off if humans just went away and took their bullshit self-satisfaction with them. And by "some days" I mean "every day".

6. Pretentious Assholes

[caption id="attachment_546" align="alignleft" width="196" caption=""I'm a free spirit!""][/caption]

I wish these could all be #1. Because when you get to this level of hatred, it's all pretty much equal. We've all been around that group of people that like to "discuss" crap like "art", "film", "literature", or "the plight of the (insert victim group here)". Boo hoo hoo. These are the kinds of people you just want to immediately punch in the face as hard as you can. They embrace their "individuality" by dressing exactly like every other pretentious loser (stupidly).

5. Militant Bicyclists

[caption id="attachment_547" align="alignleft" width="228" caption="Bicyclists kick a car's ass."][/caption]

I can't get over what an oxymoron those two words make. You know the type, though. Sure, there are the majority of bicyclists who we barely even notice. Then there are the assholes who blatantly disregard any and all laws and everybody's safety to get their grotesquely spandexed asses from one place to another while patting themselves on the back for being "green". Hey, idiot. Stay off the sidewalk. And while you're at it, stay off the roads. Go play with your toy in your driveway.

4. The Sound of Silverware Scraping a Plate

[caption id="attachment_548" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech"][/caption]

I really, really, really hate this. And I hate anybody who does this with any regularity at a restaurant. Hey, restaurant, get some better plates and silverware. That shit wouldn't happen if you weren't so fucking cheap. If you hear this sound, rest assured that it's a cockroach mating call. Enjoy your cockroach-shit seasoned potatoes.

3. Fe-men

[caption id="attachment_549" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Disgraces."][/caption]

I don't know where to start with this pathetic group of bottom feeders. These crybabies are easy to spot. You going to go see the latest Van Damme instant classic? Look over. You see that drippy douchebag in line to see the new Hugh Grant movie, carrying his wife or girlfriend's purse? That's a Fe-man. They're "sensitive" and against anything remotely masculine. They're featured on every tv show and commercial in the last 20 years. "Hey, Chad. You want your steak rare or rarer?" "Gee, Mug McFuckmahwife, I don't eat red meat. I brought over some chicken." "You know what chicken tastes like, don't you? Dick. It tastes like a man's penis. Enjoy your dickburger, Chad. Would you like a Shirley Temple with that?"

2. Organized Religion

[caption id="attachment_550" align="alignleft" width="282" caption="Who doesn't think this is a great idea?"][/caption]

I don't want to offend anybody (except the previous 8 groups), but unless you're a die-hard, Bush lovin' Jesus freak, you've got to ask yourself, "Just what the hell good does organized religion do?" I respect other people's beliefs, but I demand they respect mine too. You don't see me going door-to-door talking about The Force. The Mormons should follow that same policy. Believe whatever you want to believe, but keep your mouth shut about it. If somebody doesn't believe what you believe, tough shit. The rest of us have to put up with Jesus being shoved down our throats. You can put up with not spouting off when nobody cares about your opinion anyway. But, seriously, believe whatever you want to believe. Just don't let a bunch of perverts and suicide bombers tell you what and how to believe.

1. That Goddamn KFC Commercial

This commercial combines everything on this list pretty much. You have your typical American Idol-loving, George Bush-voting, Suburbans. First off, the dad is clearly a fe-man. This douche was in a band? What band? New Kids On The Block? That's not a band, dad. But you know dad was in a grunge band because he's still wearing the flannel shirt that he jacked off into the night Andrew Wood o.d.'d. Mom's sucking her fingers because dad hasn't been able to get it up since his threadbare identity was sent into freefall when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Mom's a pretentious loser who thought dad might amount to something, but had to settle for a life sentence in the suburbs taking care of two ugly brats while dad went off to get boned in the shower at Gold's Gym.

I guess this ad is supposed to appeal to people in my general demographic. "haha. That's totally how it is in my shitty house in the suburbs. Those kids. Man. I've got it made. Who cares if I used to have dreams, aspirations, and a will to live? I've got my bucket of mutant chicken, goshdarnit. Mmm. Chicken. It kinda tastes like my boss's dick."

ColuMn is not responsible for the views expressed in this post. We here at ColuMn love everybody and everything from the beginning of time through the end of time, in all realities, unrealities, universes, multiverses, dimensions, planes of existence, pre-conception, after life, all states of consciousness, dream life, and waking life, real and imagined throughout eternity.

deerest wun confidenshul

Dennis the Vizsla — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:17:29 +0000

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog wel i hav herd that the ninja hedjhog army is closing in having erlier stoppd in the mowntin town of julian for pie on there way frum the desert it is going to tayk a lot of effort and munny to bild up owr defenses at the doghowse of justiss and so i hav wunse agin turnd to my frends the afrikan bankers in the hope of gitting sum ekstra funding for the skwirrel patrol

oh well that didnt wurk owt eether so i gess we wil hav to luk for skwirrel patrol funding elsware maybe thru merchandising and akshun figger sayles ha ha ok bye

Diet tips - Oh puh-leez!

booksaroundtheclock — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:01:53 +0000

Just saw an advertisement for this week's Oprah show with Gwyneth Paltrow. She (Gwyneth, not Oprah) was going to share how she got her "new" thinner body and tell all her beauty secrets. Ummm... has she ever been one ounce overweight (except when she was in the fat suit for that ridiculous movie that I can't recall the name of where she was diving into the pool and made a big splash - Oh yeah, "Shallow Hal" was the movie)?? Isn't Gwyneth a macrobiotic fiend or a vegan or on some other such way of eating that she could not possibly get overweight?

When I see these foolish TV puff pieces, I want to gag. If I had Paltrow kind of money and worked on one or two movies a year for millions of dollars, I'd have time to look like a rock star. Think Gwen Stefani or Madonna, not Amy Winehouse or Courtney Love with the smeared mascara ...

Where do these celebrities get off comparing their lavish lifestyles to the ordinary woman's hectic life with no assistance? Have you ever seen the reality show "Hey Paula"? Paula Abdul's lifestyle was so much more over the top than I had even imagined. She actually thinks of herself as "a gift" to the world and she demands to be treated that way too! If I had a housekeeper, chef, manicurist, stylist, personal trainer, life coach, shrink, personal assistant, manager, pet care aide, nanny, chauffeur, grocery delivery, financial planner, gardener, pool boy, etc. I'd have all kinds of time to make myself look fabulous like the gift that I am! :-) There would be no worries because everything else in my life would be taken care of. I'd say (while skipping merrily), "Let's take time for me. I've got ALL day! Yippee!" How often has that thought occurred to YOU? Yeah, me neither.

Masterclass Lady's Media Blitz: Thursday, September 18th, 2008

masterclasslady — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:35:10 +0000

Entertainment News Updates

American Idol News

Poll Results; An Intriguing New Poll; A Postcard from David; Fan ...
By Jenny
We got to meet Kristy first got a few pictures with her and autographs, she was really nice, and right before Jason Castro came over the local FOX station wanted to interview me! I told them that I would do the interview, ...Fans of David Archuleta - http://fansofdavid.com/

Abdul: Cowell Can't Turn My Friend Against Me
OK! Magazine - New York,NY,USA
According to American Idol judge Simon Cowell, he gets bored when everyone gets along with each other. But when we saw Paula the other day, she told us that ...read more

Mary’s stories from Fort Wayne; Evansville; & Tulsa!
By MissMary
Cook came out and I had him do a shoutout to my mom on video in which he said “Hi Maggie, I’m David Archuleta and I have a Crush” it was entirely funny. Soon after, people in all different directions had crush playing loudly ...read more at Fans of David Archuleta - http://fansofdavid.com

WHO SHOULD DAVID TOUR WITH NEXT YEAR? (FUN POLL!); DAVID ON ...
By Jenny
For example, Jordin Sparks is touring with Jesse McCartney this summer. Keeping that in mind, which artist/band would you like to see David Archuleta tour with next year? If your choice is not on the poll, choose “Other” and add it! ...read more

Fans of David Archuleta - http://fansofdavid.com/

Idhasoft: Hires Two American Idols to Record Christmas Album for ...
PR Web (press release) - Ferndale,WA,USA
American Idols RJ Helton and Vonzell Solomon sign contract with Idhasoft to create a Christmas album and perform for customers for the Holiday Season...read more

Broadway News

Broadway Guys and Gals, Hanging Out in an Alley
New York Times - United States
The Broadway Show Bowling League convenes late on Thursdays at Leisure Time Bowl at the Port Authority Bus Terminal. Ashley Spencer, “Grease” star and ...read more

Canadian Idol News

Posted By THE SAULT STAR
Sault Star - Sault Ste-Marie,Ontario,Canada
A Northern Ontario swing by Canadian Idol Theo Tams as part of a national tour this fall doesn't include a stop in Sault Ste. Marie. The Top 3 tour, ...read more

General Entertainment News

MCL HOT ITEM
Charice earns rave reviews from NYTimes, NY Post
ABS CBN News - Philippines
"One of the most interesting turns in this show was the MSG debut of 16-year-old vocal prodigy Charice Pempengco, whose manager, Oprah Winfrey - that's ...read more

Television

'America's Got Talent' Top 5 Revealed
BuddyTV - Seattle,WA,USA
Last night on America's Got Talent, nine acts attempted to wow us with their vocal gymnastics, while Nuttin But Stringz tried to earn votes by mixing violin ...read more

See all stories on this topic

'America's Got Talent' recap: Waiting for the final five
Entertainment Weekly - USA
More importantly, who knows why Natasha Bedingfield is playing tonight? (America's Got Talent -- except when it has to import it from London?)

Reality hosts take center stage at Emmys
CNN - USA
... Howie Mandel ("Deal or No Deal"), Jeff Probst ("Survivor") and Ryan Seacrest ("American Idol"). Seacrest was solo ringmaster at last year's Emmys...read more

Politics

Economic Crisis Refocuses Obama
CBS News - New York,NY,USA
... of this week's Wall Street meltdown on the election remain to be seen, but one thing is clear: the crisis has transformed Barack Obama as a candidate...read more

Obama's Hollywood fundraiser: Who was on the guest list?
Entertainment Weekly - USA
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama was a busy man Tuesday night, courting Hollywood power players in two soirees that earned a single-night ...read more

Government alone can't keep our food safe
Windsor Star - Ontario, Canada
The Canadian Food Inspection Agency was created in 1997, due in part, to the recognized need for Canada to develop a modern, innovative way to deal with ...read more

Special thanks to Wadahoot for this wonderful idea. I welcome your news items in the comments section below this article.

MY TOP 10: 90s/00s Pop/R&B Diva Music Video Jump-Offs – 8. Jennifer Lopez “If You Had My Love”

elevatorno3 — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:00:02 +0000

8. Jennifer Lopez "If You Had My Love"

The beginning of the J. Lo pop revolution started with number 8, "If You Had My Love," released in 1999. She was On the 6 and we were all on the subway ride with her. Though she didn't get her urban make-over until Ja Rule lent his magic with the "I'm Real (Murder Remix)" in 2001, this video got the steam going through the first singles until the excitement of "Love Don't Cost a Thing" and the J. Lo album, which put things into overdrive.

A portent of things to come for Jennifer and other pop-lets, it shows the world's fascination with her through a mix of fans watching her every move on live room cams on her official website. It was a clever use of modern media and examination of its implication on a pop star's image, performance, and existence.

Maybe not the first video to incorporate the dance break, though it sure feels like it in the modern era. Its influence is still felt today as Madonna and both Timbs are still doing it on "4 Minutes" in 2008. Though her musical significance is in question today, at the time, we hadn't had a grown dance diva with such flair since Janet, Madonna, and Paula before her.

[dailymotion id=x27mkk]

Michelle Obama Sets Standards...Sarah Palin Plans to Strip

jmwinn — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:40:27 +0000

Corrupting the News...With Michelle Obama receiving invaluable coverage in the upcoming People's "Top 10 Best & Worst Dressed" issue, the McCain camp is scurrying like rabid dogs to highlight Sarah Palin's scintillating fashion sense.

Barack's self-proclaimed "better half" joined widely-despised Hollywood skanks Fergie, Eva Mendez and Sarah Jessica Parker as this year's posse of well-pampered charlatans. And the Obama camp couldn't be more thrilled.

"This is huge for us because the majority of American women read nothing other than People's," said Obama fashion director, Lloyd Spalding. "This is like free propaganda. A lot of women voters don't concern themselves with trivial issues. The big question is always, 'What will the first lady wear!'' Well, Michelle proved she won't disappoint during her four years, hopefully eight years, of touring the world and doing almost nothing of significance other than looking like a damn fox."

Spalding said the key to Michelle's dressing success is her ability to hide her powerful man shoulders, which he said were reminiscent of a "freaking linebacker."

With Sarah Palin's approval rankings sinking faster than an unopened beer over the side of a fishing boat, the McCain team is contemplating a major makeover for the sass of the ticket.

"It will be kind of like that movie She's All That, except Sarah's obviously not in high school," McCain fashion guru, Carla Stripes said. "She might act like she's still in high school, but now she can definitely look like it, too."

Plans include a new line of dresses to replace her trademark dress suits, which proved to be the dagger in Hillary Clinton's farcical campaign. Also being considered is a weekly "Swimsuit Saturday," where Palin would don her cherished American flag bikini and tour small towns in battleground states, where the population is predominately comprised of greasy, toothless folks who aren't accustomed to seeing the bare skin of non-kin.

"It's a risky move, but we don't want to look back in November and realize John McCain lost the election because Sarah didn't properly use her assets," Stripes said. "We've found that people are tired of listening to her read from telepromtors, so this is our best option. Especially if we decide to take advantage of the pole dancing classes she's been taking."

On a side note, the worst dressed woman this year is "American Idol" psychotic judge, Paula Abdul - an award that surprised nobody. Not even Paula Abdul.

Cheerleader Turned Laker Girl

awardprod — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:17:33 +0000

Becoming a Laker Girl at the age of 19, Paula Abdul is arguably one of the most famous former cheerleaders. And while her career has taken her from pop star to American Idol judge, cheerleading has remained an important part of her life. According to the biography page on her website, she “continues to honor her roots by running dance and cheerleading camps, competitions and scholarship programs throughout the country and has never, ever, forgotten her first “break” as a Los Angeles Laker Girl.”

Paula may even make her love of cheering into a television show. The National Enquirer has reported that she’s going to produce and star in reality show about cheerleading on Fox. Given the source, we don’t know if this is 100 percent true, but we’ll cross our fingers and hope that Paula gets a chance to redeem herself after “Hey Paula.”

EEEKK will he be performing or just a guest?..

vickyvicks0 — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:44:11 +0000

The Emmys are going green this year, and so is the ET Emmy party sponsored by People magazine!

This year the stars received invitations created by YESDESIGNGROUP. YDG came up with the idea of producing a recyclable and reusable garment bag as the invite to the 12th annual ET party sponsored for the fifth year by People.

"This year we wanted to create an invite that was not only eco-friendly, but something that the invitees could use long after the event. Our continued collaboration with [ET] raises the bar for invite expectations," says Lori J. Posner, owner of YDG.

Once that decision was made, YDG turned to Jane Wyler of REUSENIKS, who is known for creating the Clothesnik, a reusable 100 percent cotton garment bag that replaces plastic dry-cleaning bags.

Jane created a special 42-inch garment bag of recycled cotton which was silkscreened so that the party invitation is directly on the bag, pictured above.

"Once again, ET is ahead of the curve with this one-of-a-kind invitation! It's even more special because it is eco-friendly and can be re-used," says Linda Bell Blue, Executive Producer of ET.

As earlier reported, rocker Billy Idol will perform for the A-list stars at the Emmy bash.. For a second year in a row the party will be held at the famed Walt Disney Concert Hall.

Tina Fey, Eva Longoria Parker, Chandra Wilson, Jimmy Kimmel, Jeremy Piven, Paula Abdul, David Archuleta, Mark Ballas, Tim Gunn, Carrie Ann Inaba, Jamie Kennedy, Padma Lakshmi), William Petersen, Roselyn Sanchez, Brooke Shields, Christina Applegate, Jean Smart, Michael C. Hall, Oscar Nunez, Lee Pace and Jeff Probst are just a few of the stars that are confirmed to rock to Billy's tunes.

So what do you think?... will he perform?.. or will he be there just enjoying the show?

Sex Appeal, Sax Appeal, American Idol, Idle Americans & The President

imrananwar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:31:12 +0000

It is hard to imagine it was nearly 16 years ago that a brash, bold politician named Bill Clinton put his media-savvy personality, charm, good looks and sax-playing ability to good use on American television.
He showed up on TV as a guest of the now-defunct show with Arsenio Hall. (You remember him as the guy whose face flashes in the hit song “Straight Up (Now Tell Me)” by singer-dancer-choreographer, and now a judge on the hit TV show “American Idol”, the cute bundle of energy, Paula Abdul). Clinton did not do this while running for Mayor of some small town, but as a Presidential candidate of the United States of America.
Political analysts, and pundits, diverged in their views on the move. Some thought it cheapened the Presidency, making Presidential candidates act like actors or musicians hawking their latest books on late night shows of Jay Leno or David Letterman, or showing their tender sides on Oprah Winfrey’s show. Others thought it was a brilliant move. It enabled Clinton to connect with a politically disconnected youth population that was more interested in how high Madonna’s skirt was than in how low global opinion of America was.
In the end, Clinton won. This was partly for his savvy moves, and partly because George H. W Bush (father of the current lame-duck American President George Bush) was a clueless President who oversaw the US economy sliding into recession. (Like father, like son?)
And in the long run, American politics became even more inextricably mixed with show business, and the selling of candidates as products not leaders.
The victory of style over substance was visible all through the current Presidential election campaign now taking place in America. Despite not having too much experience, Barack Obama was able to use his star power and personality, his eloquence and some great ideas, to build a campaign. This has enabled him to overcome even the challenges of being inexperienced, Black and having a Muslim sounding name! He was able to beat out Hilary Clinton (who should possibly have learnt to play Guitar or Saxophone like her husband). Obama made a far more experienced and well-known Senator John McCain have to play catch up throughout the campaign.
But what advantage show-biz type political exposure giveth, so does it taketh away. John McCain’s campaign was in dire straits (some say it still is). But, more than any specific problems, it suffered the worst malaise in the world of politics today – it lacked “interestingness.”
There was just nothing exciting about a Presidential candidate who, despite being a war hero and long term senator, was seventy-something years old, and totally boring.
He had sided with George W. Bush in his disastrous policies on Iraq, and had no clues on how to solve Americans’ other major concern, the failing economy. On top of that he was jumping around from issue to issue.
He was weakly trying to appear relevant in a world driven by the star power of Barack Obama. His old guard Republican money machine, often selling out American interests to oil companies and the military industrial complex was being beaten by Obama’s money and public awareness juggernaut on the Internet. Youth was lacking in McCain and his campaign, while it was central in Obama’s campaign.
To make matters worse, McCain actually tried to cut into Obama’s mass popularity by implying that he was a mindless celebrity. In a now infamous TV commercial, McCain ridiculed Obama by comparing him to blonde bimbos like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton (previously my target of ridicule in another article). The only thing was, the technique backfired.
Paris Hilton (“famous for being famous” and infamous for her interesting “home videos”) was the wrong target to poke fun of. Not only was Paris Hilton’s mother a donor to McCain’s election campaign, to her credit, Paris Hilton played along and turned the tables. Enjoying being the center of attention, she turned that into her own political ad. You can see it on YouTube ridiculing John McCain, his campaign and so-called energy policies.
During all these McCain blunders, Hilary Clinton kept fighting Obama for the Democratic nomination. This time around, though, her very popular husband, Bill Clinton lost his groove, and was not able to swing support in her favor. Maybe it is because he said politically incorrect things while tooting his and his wife’s horn, but he also did not show up on TV to play the saxophone. That may have worked better than some of the things he said. Result: Hilary lost to Obama.
It seemed like a done deal for Obama to beat McCain. To top things off, Obama, whom the Republicans accuse of being inexperienced, chose quite a good candidate for Vice President. Senator Joseph Biden, while even more talkative than me after having four drinks of Pepsi and coffee, has vast foreign policy and Washington experience.
That is when the Obama campaign seems to have lost some momentum. Instead of building on this great candidacy they appear a bit rudderless right now.
There is also the question of race. When someone asked the question “Is America ready for a Black President?” one of my favorite TV personalities in America, John Stewart, reportedly said that before Bush’s election “No one asked if we were ready for a moron President!” But, whether Obama can turn his dynamic rise into a historical election remains to be seen.
That is when John McCain did the dumbest thing in the world – which just may put him into the running again to be President.
After ridiculing Obama for his lack of experience, seeing that Hilary’s loss had upset some women voters and people wanted change – he picked a very inexperienced woman governor of Alaska to become his Vice President.
How poorly selected was this woman, Sarah Palin?
After she was nominated it came to light that, despite the Republican’s often holier-than-thou attitudes and anti-choice agendas, Mrs. Palin’s underage daughter is pregnant. Now the Republicans are trying to sound more “open minded”. Instead of Palin’s daughter’s boyfriend being arrested for the crime of statutory rape, he was sitting front row at the Republican National Convention. What a joke.
But, wait, there’s more! Candidate Sarah Palin’s selected was so poorly vetted, it has now also been found that her husband belonged to some sort of militia or anti-USA organization that wanted Alaska to secede from the USA. Good old Sarah Palin also had used office funds for her personal use. On top of that, she used State funds to hire the lawyer to defend her in the case of that corruption. And we complain about Pakistani politicians!
You would think all these reasons would be enough even for a corrupt Pakistani political party to throw out the candidate in question. But, for the Republicans desperate to breathe new life into a comatose candidate like McCain, she is nothing short of a miracle.
She is not Virgin Mary, but she is their Hail Mary pass at scoring a touchdown this election. Sarah Palin is very attractive, as is McCain’s wife Cindy. This may be an election in which these two women’s looks may well decide the election.
Just like selling a new shampoo, the selling of the Presidential candidate to the American public now requires sex appeal, even more than sax appeal!

Kim Jong il... is ill... Yes He Can

Hmmm — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 03:20:04 +0000

Even though he's a ruthless dictator and the money is going for weapons instead of feeding his people...

.... Cut to Bobby Lee on MadTV "Yes I Can" video Too funny...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drUJyjEYEVs

Paula Abdul, Andy Gibb and Don Cheadle?

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MTV is so over.

Miss B — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 08:58:37 +0000

Once upon a time, you could sit and watch MTV for hours and actually be entertained. I grew up in the 80s and early 90s, and MTV was actually relevant back then. Trend setting. The VMAs was a show you HAD to watch. Anyone who didn't have MTV at school was given strange looks. During summer vacation and spring break, it was okay if you didn't have a life because you could park yourself on the couch and watch Club MTV, House of Style, Liquid Television, Remote Control, Yo! MTV Raps. Or even shit you don't really want to admit to watching anymore, like Singled Out. I watched that every day. Admit it, you just watched that and felt all melancholy. It's okay, so did I. Back in the day, you could spend your whole spring break watching MTV's Spring Break. And back then, people on The Real World were actually interesting, and not especially cute. The roomies weren't all trying to sleep with each other. What about Sex in the 90s? Um, awesome, that's what that was. And what the hell ever happened to The Week in Rock? Kurt Loder might be ancient now, but dude knew his shit. And he wasn't an ass kisser either, which I enjoyed.

As you might guess, this week's VMAs inspired this post. The VMAs were once The Show to Watch. Remember when Prince had his ass hanging out? Remember the Madonna/Courtney Love awkwardness? Shit, remember when Madonna performed Vogue? And I'm not going to completely hate on the 2000s. There were choice moments, like when Triumph the Insult Comic Dog pissed off Jennifer Lopez, and MTV was terrified that she would never appear on the network again so they cut that part out of the rebroadcast. Good stuff. When did Rose McGowan show up in that see-thru dress? Now, MTV can't think of any better way to get ratings, so they have Britney Spears open the show with some terrible acting and try to pretend it's 2001 again. Yeah, last year's show was fun for a few minutes when Britbot gave that horrendous performance of "Gimme More", bad weave and all. Paula Abdul's career never recovered after performing "Vibeology" at an awards show----the same should have happened to Britney. But no, MTV no longer has anything interesting to offer(proven by all those Date My Mom marathons---people actually enjoy that show?), so they bribe Britney with a few moon men to get her to come and "redeem" herself. She shows up, looks mentally challenged during a skit with Superbad guy(who I'm sick of by now), badly feigns surprise when she accepts her awards(for a video I've never even heard of), and this somehow makes it the Comeback of the Year!!!!1 I bet you ten bucks Larry Rudolph whispered into her ear "Don't say 'I'm speechless' again in this speech. You already did it the first two times" right before she headed up to scoop up the Video of the Year award. Yeah, Video of the Year. For that Piece of ~~Shit~~ Me song. Why can't we just let Britney continue being the joke she is, and stop giving her chance after chance? Let her run around town with period stained panties and a bad English accent, feeding her kids Cheetos and Sunkist soda. But her music career? Over. Just like MTV is. Want me to start watching again? Air a weekend marathon of the first five seasons of The Real World, or even just RW:Miami. Nothing beats Flora breaking the window as she tries to watch Mike have sex in the bathroom.
The Day a Career Should Have Finally Died:

And look---it's not that I'm some Britney hater. Her Britney CD is on my computer, and somewhere I've got a single of From the Bottom of My Broken Heart. I've danced to I'm a Slave for You in the clubs. But some people get their time in the limelight, and then it fades.

Paul Marturano graduates from 'American Idol' with Billy Joel-esque CD

hellhoundonmytrail — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 08:39:10 +0000

Reviewed by Brooke Curtis

Paul Marturano/Bucks County

He may have gotten the most recognition by appearing on American Idol, especially with his "Stalker" song for Paula Abdul, but if Paul Marturano wants r-e-s-p-e-c-t, he'll need an album such as Bucks County to earn it. Released a year before the American Idol madness, Marturano is no short-lived novelty act on Bucks County. In fact, aside from the lusty "Checking Out the Goods," this is a fairly depressing, low-key affair. Perhaps Marturano was just getting out of a relationship at the time. "The part of you I fell for/Is nowhere to be found," Marturano laments on the lovelorn "Strings Attached." Ouch. Nevertheless, Marturano moves us, finding the hurt that exists within us from past or present experiences.

Deft piano playing that recalls Billy Joel's soulful shadings and Bruce Hornsby's incandescent atmospherics lifts each track, even when Marturano is in despair like on "If You Believed in Me." He tries to be hopeful on "Maybe Tomorrow" but clearly this is a man who has reached the end of his rope. Jazzy bass and percussion add spice to "Someday" and sizzling electric guitars inject "Hello Again" with life and energy. Laughs can be found on "Checking Out the Goods" but clearly Marturano is a real artist and not some American Idol gag.

http://www.paulmarturano.com

Dance Like There's No Tomorrow

rockymtranger — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:10:53 +0000

No, this won't be a tribute to Ms Abdul, although wasn't she supposed to have a record out right about now? If there was a good time for her to release some happy dance music, now would be the time to do so. In the face of hard economic times, there are two types of music that really seem to do well. Anything that reminds the listener of a better time (aka oldies) start popping up more, so expect an upswing in "80s and 90s weekends" on your local Adult Contemporary station. In addition, dance music seems to do better in these times, and I think that may be slowly working itself out.

Case in point: the dance opus "Blackout". (Why does everything come back to Britney this week?) Yes, it's the least successful Britney CD saleswise, and I'm sure that part of that has to do with leaks and downloads, but if you look at the single releases, they were collectively more successful than "In The Zone". Britney's only had one hit bigger than "Gimme More", and that's "Baby One More Time", her only #1. What's the common theme of the singles on "Blackout"? It's dance music, bitch.

A month ago, I found myself at 3 am slightly intoxicated at Charlie's in Chicago, hanging with a good friend who was on the make. After a year of living in Lansing, it was great to be in a big-city club playing big boy music, and I was just taking it in. The music was bangin' all night, but when "Closer" came on, the place really lit up, and I found myself on the dancefloor by myself for the one and only time of the night. There was something so liberating about that 7 minutes or so of escapism through dance, and I reveled in it. Gone were the worries about the upcoming move, the pending unemployment, and the final cords being cut on a long-term relationship. In their place was joy, exhilaration, and celebration.

"And I just can’t bring myself away
But I don’t want to escape
I just can’t stop"

Dance music has power, and it's that power that draws people to it in times of despair and crisis. The mental, emotional, and physical release can be healing.

Of course, I look at this as an American, where dance music seems to seep its way underground more often than not, but this is the same country that rallied behind "disco sucks" in the late 70s. I am often jealous of my counterparts in other countries who enjoy dance music in the mainstream on a regular basis. If all goes according to plan, though, the US will be experiencing a dance renaissance not seen since the mid 90s, when tracks from the likes of Real McCoy, C+C Music Factory, La Bouche, Haddaway, and Crystal Waters were ruling the airwaves. I leave you with a video that arguably represents that period better than any other.

Are you…as big a fan of Paula Abdul as I am?

youarenotserious — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 03:43:31 +0000

By L.

Today, I have been revisiting my former love of Paula Abdul. Okay, who I am kidding by using “former?” My undying love for Paula Abdul. Especially her album, Forever Your Girl. As you may have read in the “About Me” section of this blog, I was a card carrying member of the Paula Abdul Fan Club growing up.

For the past few weeks, I have been talking with a family member on a daily basis about the trials and tribulations of his present life, living situation, etc. As a karaoke enthusiast and overall music lover, I tend to immediately assign most life situations with their own soundtrack. I have songs that I like to sing in my head while I walk, when I am sad, songs I immediately assign to people the moment I meet them.

I usually tend to gravitate to songs from the 80’s or early 90’s. As of late, I can’t stop listening to “She’s An Easy Lover” by Phil Collins/Phil Bailey. The duet really gets me. I also recommend the following tunes, if you are feeling so inclined.

Damn, Wish I Was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins
A Roller-Skating Jam Called Saturdays – De La Soul
Forever Young – Alphaville
Electric Relaxation – A Tribe Called Quest
Just Like Heaven – The Cure
You Dropped a Bomb on Me – The Gap Band

When I walk, I often “hear” the beats for Missy Elliot’s ‘Pass that Dutch’ if I am feeling sassy. Once I even took an online quiz (I was really bored in college and didn’t want to do homework) and they told me my life theme song was ‘Groove is in the Heart’ by Dee Lite.

Today, for my cousin, I chose ‘Cold Hearted Snake’ by Paula Abdul. I even went as far as serenading him some of the (revised a la L.) lyrics to the song and suggested he purchase a copy of the Disney movie “Ice Princess” to place strategically on a pillow.

He’s a much bigger person than I am. But it did get good laugh.

If you really want a great song, try ‘Bump ‘n’ Grind’ by R. Kelly. I don’t see nothing wrong.