As we plan for the wedding, the details are starting to surface. One of the interesting question from the bride's family is "When is the pamanhikan?". I got blank upon hearing that. What is it anyway?

I have a very slight idea of what pamanhikan is. I just see them on TVs and movies. My cousins had that when they are about to get married. All I remember was I get to eat some food. I dont know what they really talked about. So I started searching for information in the internet.

Pamanhikan is an old Filipino tradition where the groom and his family formally asks the hand of the bride for marriage in front of the bride's family. Pamanhikan is called Pamalahi in Ilonggo. Im not sure if Pakagon is also the right term. It's like parents meeting the parents.

Oh that sounds easy until I read further.

Typically, the pamanhikan is held at the bride's house during lunch or dinner. It is also customary for the groom's family to bring is some food. Today, other couples have their pamanhikan in a neutral territory like restaurants. Or bring in a third person to facilitate in the discussion (parang retreat a!) or help ease the awkwardness in the meeting.

Now to the awkward part.

During the pamanhikan, the details of the wedding are discussed like wedding budget, expenses, guest lists, and more. Quennie and I struggle with those topics. How much more is this if discussed with our parents. I mean, we haven't finalized things yet. We get stressed when people ask us about the venue, the date, the motif. And putting more people in the planning might get more stressful.

And what if our plans get ruined. Our parents might thrown in ideas from their retro bauls making it look more like its their wedding and not ours. They could get bossy and think that we are still their six-year-olds where they can tell us what to do. Right now, I'm thinking of a subtle way to tear down their retro talks when they start talking.

And finally, when will the pamanhikan happen. Our schedules are bit tight. I know its still a year before the wedding but I might have a business trip from July to August and Quennie might be assigned offshore from October to March. The wedding will be around April. Cool.  So we thought it would be best if we do the pamanhikan when we go home to Bacolod this May.  But they said, it is traditionally (I'm starting to hate this word) done 3-4 months before the wedding.  Huh?!

And still more questions. Do I have to bring a dowry of fattened calves or native chickens from our farm? Do I have to chop firewood before the pamanhikan? Sing a harana?

Please help.