A judge has attacked a bizarre trend in New Zealand for giving children strange names as he made a nine-year-old called Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii a ward of court.

Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt listed a series of unfortunate names that he said were embarrassing or made children seem foolish among their peers.

Some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, were blocked by registration officials, he said.

But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter, Midnight Chardonnay, "and tragically, Violence," the judge said.

The names were mentioned in Murfitt's decision on a custody battle over the nine-year-old girl from the North Island town of Hawera, who was so embarrassed at the name her parents had given her - Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii - that she never told her closest friends what it was.

She told people her name was "K" because she feared being "mocked and teased," the girl's lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

This is not the first time that New Zealand authorities have had to intervene over a bizarre baby name. In August 2007, Pat and Sheena Wheaton were told by government officials that they couldn't name their baby 4Real as it contained a digit. The couple simply reconsidered and re-named their child Superman.

The trend for crazy baby monikers has also extended to Europe. In June 2008, Swedish tax authorities informed a Stockholm couple they must change the name of their 5-month-old baby girl Elvis. Another Swedish family recently won a protracted battle to ensure their daughter was allowed to keep the name Metallica.

My own personal favourite was a girl in Greenock called Aquavita McGlumpha.

Jeana tells me of a couple, Mr and Mrs House, who named their kids Wendy and Maxwell.

Apart from the stupid names celebrities give their children, like Coldplay's lead singer who said..

"People make a big fuss over names. Names of babies, names of albums, names of bands.T here’s nothing weird about calling your baby Chewbacca if that’s what you want to call your baby. It’s no stranger than Sarah."

Um what, naming your child after a fictional woolly alien is no stranger than Sarah! What planet are you on, oh wait, planet-too-much-money-and-no-sense.

And don't get me started with silly spelling of names. God only knows why but some people clearly don't feel special enough so they think that spelling their names differently will make them 'different', or maybe it's just because they can't spell. If you've changed the spelling of your name, say from Kylie to Kylee, Kyleigh, Kiley, Kyley, get a grip, the only thing you've proved is that you're a twit that can't spell.

Back to the real reason for this post, it's been around for a while but it's parents who are stoned, or maybe just stupid giving names to their kids that will without any doubt lead to their lives being a complete misery, or as a Judge described it, essentially child abuse. I've heard the ones about Holden and Ford, but how about this selection...

Fish and Chips (twins), Masport and Mower (twins); boys Yeah Detroit, Spiral Cicada, Kaos, Stallion and Hitler; girls Cinderella Beauty Blossom and Twisty Poi; and sex unknown Keenan Got Lucky and Sex Fruit.

You're probably thinking "only in America" right? well no, the muppets who gave their kids these names are right here in New Zealand. WTF is going through someones head to call their kid 'Sex Fruit'? Maybe in addition to licencing people to own dogs we should be licencing people to have kids, because clearly some people think it's a bit of a joke!

So people, if you're thinking of giving your kid a name based on a food, consumer product, or hated historical figure, take a deep breath and a cold shower and then go to a web site which has real human names on it and pick something that isn't going to make their life a misery, and when you pick one leave the spelling alone and don't screw with it!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominionpost/4628997a6479.html

Just now, I finished re-reading an article by a British guy named Matthew Sutherland, A Rhose by Any Other Name, a piece about names in our country. I think it is very funny and so true. (I suggest you read his article first before reading the rest of this post. I’ll wait.)

Oh, so you’re done. Funny, huh? But the rest of my post is funnier, I assure you. (Well, I hope, so. :-) ) So read on!

What I’m going to discuss is what Mr. Sutherland calls composite names. He gave examples of composite names taken from names of places, but he failed to mention composite names from the child’s parents, which is a very common practice in the Philippines. In fact, my name, which I’ve been told sounds like an Indian, has come from my parents’ names: Sher is from mom’s (Sherly) and Ma is from dad’s (Manuel).

Good thing Sherma turned out sounding fine! In fact, I think it’s beautiful. (Love your creativity, Mom and Dad!) However, it sometimes annoys me that I need to spell it out so other people could understand it. S-H-E-R-M-A. .

Yes, it's Sherma. Not Sharmaine nor Sherna nor Cherma as people often mistake it to be. Neither is it Shermalyn (as my ex-officemates at PPHI insist on calling me just to annoy me) or Shermalou as my other ex-officemates (over at FAME) love to call me. Just Sherma, thank you very much! Argh!

But here’s a freaky thought. Imagine if my parents decided to use their nicknames instead [Yes, they have nicknames! Leth (mom’s) and Manny (dad’s)], as they initially planned. I could have been named Manileth!  Yikes! Good thing someone put some sense into them (thanks, Grandma!). Good thing, too, that I don’t have a sister; I’m sure she would have gotten it. Harhar!

But I do have three brothers, and one of them is not so lucky, while another is extremely lucky. The lucky one is lucky, because, well, his name is Lucky Ryan. :-) But no, my not-so-lucky brother's name is not Unlucky Ryan. Neither is it Manileto (eeeeewwwww!). His name, for 21 years, had been Sherman! No, it's not a typo. It's really as i wrote it. Mom and Dad (unimaginative folks that they are) had been inspired by a couple in our neighborhood who named their twins Norma and Norman!  Duh!

I think Mom and Dad regretted not being very creative when naming this brother of mine. Sherman and I used to fight over small things, and all because of our names. Sherman enjoyed annoying me by putting an n to my things on which I'd written my name, (Sherma becomes Sherman) so they became his! That easy! Good thing he eventually found out, when he was about to take his board exam, that there had been a mistake with his name. The civil registrar put Sherwin instead of Sherman. Because there was no more time to file all the documents necessary to correct the error before the exam, my brother adopted Sherwin as his official name (so he's actually a living mistake, hehehe), and so now we fight no more. Ahahaha!

People who know me well can tell you I am not a vengeful person. But you know what? I’m thinking of using my creativity and originality when naming my would-be kids, too. You see, my boyfriend’s surname is Pascua (meaning Christmas), so I have this EXTREMELY GREAT idea of having christmasey names for my kids. I’m thinking of naming my girl Poinsettia (yes, the December flower) and my boy, Rudolph. Or how about Claus?

Please let me know what you think. You might just help me and my boyfriend settle our "argument" over baby names. He doesn’t think my idea is great :-( , but I don’t believe him :-) . I’m sure he’s just jealous, because he had not thought of it first (considering it’s his surname!). Besides, what does he know about creativity? He has lived in Europe for 20++ years and counting! He must have lost his Filipino creativity! (Hey Buddy! Peace :-) )

Let me know what you think, ok? Or how about if we'll have a little game. Simply answer any or all of the following questions: (1) What do you think of my BRILLIANT idea about my kids’ names? (2) Could you suggest another Christmasey name for me to consider? (3) What do you think your name would be had your parents decided to use a composite name based from their names?

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is my “shameless” way of pimping my blog stat. Hehehehe. Or how about my way of adding some humor into my blog? I realized I’ve been a bit too serious, so maybe I decided to loosen up a bit. Hm, you decide.)

My first son would be named "Leonidas", in homage of the badass Spartan king who died for his country and kin at Thermopylae.  My second son would be named "Brock", and would necessitate changing the family name to "Samson"--because "Brock Samson" may be the manliest name of all time ("Dick Steel" placing as a close second). 

If, by the the birth of my second son, the good Lord thinks the world can withstand a third male of my line, he would also be named "Samson" , his full name therefore being "Samson Samson".  It rolls off the tongue, and I can just hear some terrified gangster (a descendant of the Philistines, no doubt) panting it to the rest of his gang as a warning, after watching my offspring tear through a score of his cronies with his bare hands.

Of course, now that I've said this in the open, God may decide all future fruit of my loins will be females, in which case they will doubtless be like the daughters of Job...renowned for their beauty and wisdom, and desired by all young swains of the land.  I sense much gun-cleaning in my future.