“Let’s make pasok na to our class!”
“Wait lang! I’m making kain pa!”
“Come on na, we can’t make hintay anymore!”

2. Thou shall make kalat “noh”, “di ba” and “eh” in your pangungusap

“I don’t like to make lakad in the baha nga, noh? Eh di ba it’s like, so ewww, di ba?
“What ba? Stop nga being maarte noh!”
“Eh as if you want naman also, di ba?

3. When making describe a whatever, always say “It’s SO pang–uri!”

“It’s so malaki, you know, and so mainit!”
“I know right? So sarap nga eh!”
“You’re making me inggit naman, I’ll make bili nga my own burger.”

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation “dude”, “tsong” or “pare”

“Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare.” - (ENGANAL = Engineering Analysis in DLSU, FYI.)
“I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh.”

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!

“My bag is so bigat today, you know.”
“I know, right! We have to make dala pa kase the jumbo Physics book eh!”

6. Make gawa the plural of pangalans like in English or Spanish

“I have so many tigyawats, oh!”

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always like. Like, I know right?

“Like it’s so init naman!”
“Yeah! The air–con, it’s like sira kase eh!”

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?

“Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?”
”It’s so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?”

9. Make gamit of plenty of abbreviations, you know, daglat?

“Like OMG! It’s like traffic sa EDSA.”
“I know, right? It’s so kaka!”
“Kaka?”
“Kakaasar!”

10. Make gamit the pinakamarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!

“I’m like, making aral at the Arrhneow!”
“Me naman, I’m from Lazzahl!”

A true to life imaginary conyotic conversation by MrTulala

Isang mainit na tanghali, nung akoy naglalakad

sa kahabaan ng taft corner vito cruz,

papalapit sa sikat na tambayan ng frat

katabi ng sakayan ng bus.

bigla akong may narinig na kaguluhan, o ano ito?!

may away! may away! sigaw ng mga dispatcher

bigla akong nagtransform sa pagiging usisero!

kaya't ako'y nakibalita, at nagmistulang reporter.

sa aking pagsiksik, doon sa malapit sa may kanal

kitang kita ng mga mata ko! may dalawang grupong nagsasagutan!

ang isang grupo'y naka uniform, at ang kabila'y naka casual

pero di makakailang sila ay magkalaban....

itago natin sa group A at group B ang mga grupo ng kababaihan

para naman hindi mapahiya ang kanilang pamantasan

ayaw ko din namang mabuko niyo at malaman

na ang tinutukoy ko'y mga A*************'t B********. (uuuuy! da hu?!)

Bago kayo maglabas ng mga violent reaction,

tandaan, medyo imaginary lang to. haha!

ang kayo'y ipahiya ay wala sa aking intensyon

talagang gusto ko lang magkwento.

Eto na eto na bumanat na ang group B!

"hey beyotch! how dare you steal my bf?!"

at gumanti naman ang group A syempre

"excuse me, who are you?! what the F?!"

Umulan ng english, pero hindi yung fluent

nagsigawan sila na parang mga highschool,

sige english pa, with a conyotic accent

akala mo mga asong ulol. =)

"your bf is the one who texted me first"

yan ang banat nung isa sa Group A,

at dinagdagan pa niya with matching outburst

na "he doesn't like you 'cos you look gay!"

Syempre naimbyerna ang girls ng group B

ang mga face isa-isang namutla,

siguro'y nahalata ang kanyang nose surgery

kaya mukha daw siyang bakla.

"like duh?! ohmygawd, as if, whateveeeer"

yan lang ang nasabi ng group B lagot!

"haha! what you say?! chukchak chever chever?"

ang binitawan ng group A na sagot.

Uber pikon na ang drama ni lola,

ang group B mukang matatalo.

Eh biglang humirit pa ang isa sa kanila

nang "pakyu! suntukan nalang, ano?!" patay 'llamado.

Natigil ang away ng dalawang grupo,

dahil napansin nila ang mga madlang nanonood.

Sinundo na din sila ng mga D.O. (disciplinary officer)

At dumating din ang mga brgy. tanod.

Hindi ko na alam ang mga susunod na pangyayari,

sapagkat umalis na din ako,

pero ng pauwi, hindi mabura ang ngiti,

sa kakaibang nasaksihan ko. =)

"Stones, stones from the sky. If you get hit, don't make galit!"

My name is Rupert, estudyante me sa isang popular school sa Manila. They say I am konyo daw. Ewan ko ba, but whenever me and my kaibigans talk, they make lait the way I speak. Ipinanganak me sa province but my tatay sent me to Manila to study. Ever since, natuto na me mag-English. But syempre, I do not want to forget my first salita which is Tagalog. So there, I got to make halo the dalawang languages. Lately, sobrang nakakainis na friends ko because they always make me asar and they do it like so often na. But they never try to intindi me. So ‘yun, let me just make kwento to you what konyo is. Sana, after this, maintindihan niyo na me.

Oh my God! Really?

The word konyo came from the Kastila word coño na ang meaning talaga is like the female reproductive organ. You know? Alam mo na what I am talking about. Sige it's so bastos, fine!

But it is really like that talaga eh. Anyway, na-associate ng people sa Philippines ang word na coño sa mga rich Kastilas and their anaks. Kasi ‘yung salita is a bad word before and the Kastila kids always make mura because they are mabilis uminit ang ulo as if to prove their elitist bloodline. You know, parang they want to be iba from us natives. Grabe sila noh? It’s like making tira us always.

Tapos eventually nag-evolve na ang konyo to konyo English. Then, sabi ng some people, konyo English daw was from the upper class na trying to fit in sa locals before. Like, when a rich kid with Kastila descent came to Manila to study sa schools na mixed sila with pure Pilipino kids, para di ma-O.P. sa classmates niya nag-try sila na mag-Tagalog kahit na they want talaga to speak in English. No wonder, they end up making halo the languages. Pero sabi naman ng others, ginagaya din ng mga not from the upper-class ang konyo speak para they could fit-in and be pa sosy. Do you like, get it? It's malabo talaga the history of this whole konyo thing.

Where na u? Dito na me

Since konti na lang ang Spaniards sa Philippines, nahawa na rin 'yung pure Filipinos na mayayaman. You can usually find them in places like Makati, Mandaluyong, Alabang, and Karrripunan, among other lugars.

"Let's make tusok-tusok the fishballs," said my friends from that school in San Lorenzo village and Antipolo. Then, "it is like parang some kind of a sort of," sabi naman ng isang babae galing sa sosyal na school in Mandaluyong, beside Galle. "C'mon, let's make UBE...as in, Ultimate Bonding Experience, like ya'kner?" told to a group of girlie friends from that all-girl Opus Dei school sa loob ng Ayala, Alabang. Konyo speak is very common in school na pang-rich specially ‘yung mga all-girls. Kaya nga there is such a thing as "kolehiyala" speak. Nahawa na rin mga all-boys schools sa ganitong pag-speak kaya even sa all-boys like OMG its Arrneow and La Salle speak this way na rin. Soiree kasi ng soiree eh. Umabot na kaya ang konyo speak sa San Beda there in Mendiola kaya? How about in Taytay, or Alabang... Hmmmm...

Over there naman in Ayala in Makati, ya'kner, sa may GB3, there are also a lot of people who speak konyo as well. They call themselves 'yuppies,' young urban professionals daw. They are the twenty-somethings who work and party. They have the pinakabagong gadgets and they also drink frappucino kape at Starbucks. Lagi sila nag-gym sa Gold's and they party sa The Fort. They’re so SOSY ha. Usually, Yuppies come din from the schools na talamak ang konyo language.

Pero hindi lang sa mga sosy places makikita ang elements of konyo speak, it is practically everywhere. And there are marami pa like this who speak in such way. It's kalat like wildfire in the gubat because even the common tao speaks in that manner. Like what that guy Isagani Cruz said, "kasi nakaka-satisfy and talagang cool na cool." Some of the dahlia of this are the media at technology.

Nood muna me TV

'Di mo ba namamasdan sa TV, radio, and other media na parang they are using Taglish? Shows like "Okay, Fine! Whatever" and "Game KNB?" give that impression from the mere titles of their TV series. Pero the paggamit ng language ay tila isang dakilang marketing strategy lang para ma-capture ang Filipino audience. So, the media parang took advantage of the language para to make Pinoys make nood the shows.

And when you think it's like parang not gonna get worse, there comes in the text generation.

"Wer u na? Kain us! Hir na me sa kanto, nkpark ang car," and "kta na lang us sa Shell bago tayo Jumaipur, or, “Basta u! Malakas u me eh!." And the list goes on of text-konyo language.

Sa internet ay marami rin ang nagkokonyo speak. Try mo mag-read ng mga testi sa Friendster or mga conversations sa fora. They are so dami and it is our generation that makes it even worse. Kaya not only the grammar that is mali but pati na rin the spelling of words that makes it pa-sosyal. My goodness tinapay!

So it’s like parang, you know? ‘Dah ba?

So palagay mo cool magsalita ng konyo huh? Think again no, its like diba? It is actually a mababaw type of talking because it speaks of kabobohan in the language. Make usap like that to the people in the business world and no doubt, they will make tawa of you. Kaya ako, I'm trying to change the way I talk because it’s like parang I find it of pure nonsense. Sure, language is diverse and flexible but to talk in straight English or magsalita ng diretso sa Tagalog will make a person be perceived as a well-read individual. Tsaka kahit magsalita tayo in English does not make us someone of a higher individual than others. Purket ba progresibo ang Estados Unidos e dahil na ito sa Wikang Ingles? Hindi rin, kasi sila, nakapagsasalita sa kanilang lenguahe ng diretso at tama, at hindi binabalasubas ang kanilang pagsasalita sa Ingles. Kahit sabihin natin na 'yung 'Kanong Ingles ay bastardized Original English, their solid national identities made them a progressive and a developing nation.

Pero ano ba talaga ‘di ba? Am I still gonna make salita this way? My Gosh! Hindi noh. As I have said before, puro like, kabobohan lang ito kaya, it is better to put a period on this trash.

Yeah, I know. It's really been a while. A whole hell week seems to upgrade into a pure hell month. And now, guess what, I can really feel the tension and the pressure of being a UP
student.

Man, so hirap magblog ngayon. I don't know why, pero so hirap talaga mag-isip. I guess, I have to use nanaman my conyo powers para lang makapagpost ngayon. Like, it is so hirap talaga. Define!

Well, so dami ng mga nangyari sakin since the last time I blogged.

Fuck! I think I should organize muna my thoughts sa utak ko. 'Coz parang in the end, this post
would turn out into a non-sense entry. So, better 'wag na muna ngayon.

Man, next time nalang talaga. So hirap talaga. Just doing this for the sake of reliving my blog.
Like, my blog is so patay na kaya.P.S. Yeah, I know. Anlandi ng post ko ngayon. That's so Conyo kaya!