Standard disclaimers: I can’t ensure that these events will go ahead, that they’ll be good, or that I will be going to them. This is just a list of things I found that looked like they might be interesting, so please do not contact me to ask for your event to be included. That’s not the way it works.

Until Sunday the 5th – “Of All The People In All The World” (Stan’s Café) @ A.E. Harris Factory, The Jewellery Quarter, Birmingham - Also known as The Rice Show and acclaimed by many (including me) to be The Actual Best Thing Ever.

Wednesday the 1st till Friday the 24th – Birmingham Book Festival @ various venues in Birmingham - Brum’s annual literary festival (festival~!). There’s lots of interesting stuff a-scheduled - read on down.

Friday the 3rd till Sunday the 12th – Birmingham Comedy Festival @ various venues, Birmingham - The annual comedy festival (festival~!). Some annoying nonsense, but good stuff too - highlights include a Curates Egg do with John Cooper Clarke at The Hare & Hounds on the 3rd, and Mark Steel at The Glee Club on the 8th.

Saturday the 4th – “Space Day” @ Birmingham University, Edgbaston, Birmingham - LOOOST IN SPAAACE! All sorts of extra-planetary physics-based fun.

Saturday the 4th – Van Morrison @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - Like the good ol’ strict ‘n’ stern Ulster protestant he is, Van The Man has decreed that no alcohol is to be sold at this gig. I wouldn’t go so far as to proclaim that this heralds the death of personal freedom, though.

Saturday the 4th – Stevie Wonder @ The NIA, Birmingham - Ooh, I’m really looking forward to this one.

Saturday the 4th – “Steve Coogan Is Alan Partridge and Other Less Successful Characters” @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - You’ve got to love that for tour-naming.

Saturday the 4th – The Ting Tings @ The Academy, Birmingham - Already sold out, although we’ve heard that one before from The Ting Tings.

Saturday the 4th – Muay Thai @ The Light Bar, Wolverhampton - Knees knees knees! Wolves' Firewalker gym vs Leeds' Bad Company gym.

Wednesday the 5th of October until Thursday the 6th of November – Birmingham Early Music Festival @ Various festivals in Birmingham - A festival (festival~!) of Rites And Revels.

Sunday the 5th – Balti In The Park @ Balsall Heath park, Balsall Heath, Birmingham - Mostly, food. But also live music. And stalls. And face painting. But mostly food.

Tuesday the 7th – Stevie Winwood @ The Wulfrun Hall, Wolverhampton - Still keeping on running, after all this time.

Wednesday the 8th until Saturday the 11th – “The Boy With The Bomb In His Crisps” (Mad Half Hour) @ The Belgrade Theatre, Coventry - A play based on the tales of people who have journeyed to Coventry and Colchester. The story behind the (absolutely magnificent) title is here.

Wednesday the 8th till Sunday the 12th – Horse Of The Year Show @ The NEC, Marston Green, Birmingham - A horse is a horse, of course, of course…

Thursday the 9th – The Streets @ The Academy, Birmingham - Apparently he talks about fields and countryside and such on this new album. Pastoral Streets, what a notion.

Saturday the 11th – Billy Ocean @ The Academy, Birmingham - Aaaaw, he’s just so cuddly.

Monday the 13th till Friday the 17th – “Romeo And Juliet” (Shakespeare’s Globe) @ The Custard Factory - I have no concrete info, but apparently this may or may not be happening. Matinee performances only though, according to the information Nyki Getgood has acquired over at that link. On weekdays. Fantastic planning, there.

Monday the 13th – Cyndi Lauper @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - Just wants to do something-or-other.

Tuesday the 14th – Polarbear: “If I Cover My Nose You Can’t See Me” @ The Rep Door, Birmingham - Hip-hop based storytelling. I’ve heard many good things about this.

Tuesday the 14th – Mark Thomas @ The Conservatoire, Birmingham - Part of the Birmingham Book Festival. This show is based around Mighty Mark’s looking into the ways and doings of Coca-Cola.

Wednesday the 15th – Stephen Stills @ Symphony Hall, Birmingham - Ah well now you see the thing here was that I was going to go to this and then I wasn’t and now I am again but all the time I thought I’d never heard any of his music outside of Crosby Stills And Nash And/Or Young but it turns out that “Love The One You’re With” which I liked but didn’t know who it was by was actually by him. So that was quite good. Yes.

Wednesday the 15th – Elbow @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - The band that beat Burial in the big national music quiz or whatever it was. Haven’t listened to this new album that they got the honours for, but they were lovely when I last saw/heard them a few years ago.

Wednesday the 15th – Spiritualized @ The Academy, Birmingham - Without the gospel singers this time, if I’m correct, but still bound to be amazing.

Thursday the 16th – Will Self @ The Conservatoire, Birmingham - Why if it ain’t young Billy Self in the best of health. Author, journalist, raconteur, cultural pundit, and Birmingham Book Festival performer.

Friday the 17th – Roots Manuva @ The Academy 2, Birmingham - Summonin’ up the power of Banana Clan.

Friday the 17th – Black Diamond Heavies / The Solomons @ The Dragon Bar, The Barfly, Digbeth, Birmingham - Another night of blues ‘n’ roll brought to you by them Coldrice reprobates.

Saturday the 18th – UFC 89 @ The NIA, Birmingham - Headlined by Mike Bisping vs Chris Leben (Bisping, sub, R2. Yes that’s right I said ‘sub’), and also featuring the UFC debut of longtime fave of mine Dan Hardy (against Akihiro Gono. Hardy by decision). Speaking of longtime faves of mine, Paul ‘The Relentlessly Saddling Yampy Terminator’ Taylor (you know, the one from God’s Chosen Black Country) will also be fighting Chris Lytle (Taylor, decision).

Saturday the 18th – The Creeping Nobodies / The Courtesy Group @ The Hare & Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham - A Curates Egg night, so quality is assured.

Sunday the 19th – Scorpions @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - Whistle whistle, whistle whuh-whuh-whistle-whistle…

Tuesday the 21st – Carol Ann Duffy @ The Conservatoire, Birmingham - Again as part of the Birmingham Book Festival. One of the best contemporary poets, with recent controversy to boot. If you’re really a fan then you can also attend a discussion of her work led by Roz Goddard on the 9th.

Wednesday the 22nd – Eddie Reader @ The Town Hall, Birmingham - Your lady there who used to be in the wonderful wonderful wonderful (‘Perfect’, even) Fairground Attraction.

Wednesday the 22nd – Seth Lakeman @ The Wulfrun Hall, Wolverhampton - More fiddling folking fun with Seff.

Thursday the 23rd until Sunday the 26th - "Hello Digital" @ Various places in Birmingham, Wolverhampton and Hereford - The Midlands' first digital festival (festival~!), apparently, although I don't myself have any idea at all about precisely what is meant to connect this seemingly disparate string of events. Some of it looks interesting, though, such as the Field Of Light at Millennium Point and Capsule's Big Up The Metalz thingy at Wolves Art Gallery.

Thursday the 23rd – An Audience With Tony Benn @ The Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton - Tony ‘Uncle’ Benn, speaking of the days when Labour was real Labour.

Thursday the 23rd – A. C. Grayling @ The Conservatoire, Birmingham - Another book festival affair. Grayling considers and speaks on the subject of reading, particularly as a “critical, challenging and subversive process”.

Friday the 24th – Capsule Night @ The Hare & Hounds, Kings Heath, Birmingham - Watch Oxes on boxes, shake your hips to Bee Stung Lips, and do The Bump to Bilge Pump.

Friday the 24th – Boxing (First Team) @ The Civic Hall, Wolverhampton - Not sure who will be fighting on this one, but it’ll no doubt include some of our local faves.

Sunday the 26th – Lau-Gar King Fu National Championships @ Cocks Moor Woods Leisure Centre, Kings Heath, Birmingham - Hai- and indeed –Ya.

Tuesday the 28th – Al Green @ The NIA, Birmingham - The Reverend Al Green, ladies and gentlemen.

Tuesday the 28th – Slayer @ The NEC, Marston Green, Birmingham - And if you fancy an arena gig that couldn’t be more different to Al Green, there’s always Slayaaaarrrrgh.

Wednesday the 29th – Feed The Birds @ Woodgate Valley Country Park, Bartley Green, Birmingham - The rangers show you how to make a feeder and feed the birdies properly, for free.

Friday the 31st – Boxing (Sports Network) @ The Aston Events Centre, Aston, Birmingham - Pity poor old Uncle Frankie; Calzaghe’s left him and Khan got splattered across the canvas. Every ticket sale for this event is vital. He might not be able to afford this week’s ivory backscratcher otherwise. Also: Macklin/Broadhurst/Costello etc.

• "Today I am going to kill something," says the unnamed protagonist of Carol Ann Duffy's poem Education for Leisure. "Anything. / I have had enough of being ignored and today / I am going to play God."

  Duffy, one of Britain's most admired poets, might have been tempted this week to feel the same way, following the news that the exam board AQA had ordered schools to remove from its GCSE curriculum an anthology containing the poem because it supposedly glorified knife crime. [read more]

• How does she respond to the news? Poetry SmackDown! Take that, censorship.

What with Banned Books Week coming up, this feels particularly relevant. So do tell, readers: what are your feelings on censorship? It almost seems silly to ask, since my generation especially has been raised on the formula Censorship = Bad. But you tell me, is the question moot? Or are there nuances of censorship that we should be paying attention to?

...Explain how poetry
pursues the human like the smitten moon
above the weeping, laughing earth; how we
make prayers of it...

Interesting spat going on at the moment - an exam board took one of Carol Ann Duffy's poems off the syllabus because it might encourage violence. The quote above comes from the poem she wrote in response.

I've always enjoyed her work hugely, and I love this particular phrase, which says so much about what poetry is, and can be!

Naturally no one has the right to be on the schools’ syllabus and examinations boards have the right to change their mind (though they might have done that over the lengthy summer holidays before term started), but, really, only three complaints. To quote Lutterworth Grammar School’s invigilator, "I think it is absolutely horrendous - what sort of message is that to give to kids who are reading it as part of their GCSE syllabus?"

I’m sure students really appreciated being called "kids". But the real point is what sort of message are the students getting when a poem gets withdrawn after three complaints?

Simple: adults don’t want you to read this. So what are those "kids" going to do? Read it. Pass it around. It’s forbidden, it’s a must-read. Trouble this, those "kids" are then denied the opportunity to discuss the issues under the guidance of a teacher and how smart a move is that?

Related Articles:

Poetry shouldn’t be taught

Tragic Poetry

"Education For Leisure", by Carol Ann Duffy, has now been removed from the GCSE syllabus because it is about something which children clearly shouldn't be learning about. Knife Crime. A poem which the teacher will no doubt use to invoke a discussion regarding the topic and I doubt that any of the people in the class would take this as an open invitation to go out and stab someone.

I have a feeling that the kids who pay attention in GCSE English would be the ones who are going to go out and kill people. The inspiration this poem gives to people is just as likely to make them flush their goldfish down the toilet as it is make them grab a bread knife and find someone to stab.

AQA allegedly received a complaint regarding the poem, I would like to know what the grounds were for this complaint. Was it someone whose daughter was stabbed by a GCSE student after they read the poem in English class? Was it someone whose year 11 son walked out the door with a knife, having just scared his cat? Or is this an attempt to stop those events happening?

Surely the most active way to combat the threat of knife crime is to encourage a debate on the issue, which this poem would achieve. By sweeping the issue under the carpet the children are likely to continue without considering any consequences. Are we to remove the "War Poems" from the curriculum in case we breed a youth who want to go to war with Germany? Are we to remove the subject of slavery from history lessons in case our children go forth and enslave nations? Let's not also forget the issue of ENRON that was raised during my ALevel accounting, we can't have our children learning about people who doctor financial records.

Kids will learn about knives, be it in the form of Duffy's poem or from news coverage or from talking about it with their mates who heard it from someone. Are we seeing another scape-goat for violence as we have in the past with films, music and video games? Is this a reaction to make it appear that something is being done when in reality nothing that will cause an impact has been touched?

Let us all save the children, let's remove any bad influence they may encounter, no GTA games, no Marilyn Manson, no poems about knives and I wonder if Frankenstein can still be on the GCSE curriculum, I mean our kids might try and make their own monster.

And for those of you who want to read the poem it can be found here at the bottom of the page.

MTFBWY

και στην απόσταση που μας χωρίζει, σε σκέφτομαι.

Το δωμάτιο γυρίζει αργά και το φεγγάρι είναι μακριά.

Είναι αυτό ηδονή; Όχι, όχι, να πω καλύτερα

θλίψη. Κλείνω τα ρήματα σ’ όλους τους χρόνους, διαλέγω

έναν και τραγουδάω ένα τραγούδι για τον πόθο μου

που δεν λέγεται και δεν μπορείς να το ακούσεις.

Λα λαλά λα. Ακούς; Κλείνω τα μάτια κι ονειρεύομαι

τους λόφους και το σκοτάδι που θα ‘πρεπε να διασχίσω

για να φτάσω σε σένα. Γιατί σ’ αγαπώ, ακούς; και κάπως έτσι

μοιάζει η αγάπη μου ή κάπως έτσι μοιάζει αν τη βάλω σε λέξεις.

[Παράφρασις εκ του αγγλικού της carol ann duffy]

Words wide night

Somewhere on the other side of this wide night

and the distance between us, I am thinking of you.

The room is turning slowly away from the moon.

This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say

it is sad? In one of the tenses I am singing

an impossible song of desire that you cannot hear.

La la la la. See? I close my eyes and imagine

the dark hills I would have to cross

to reach you. For I am in love with you and this

is what it is like or what it is like in words.

Μερικά ξένα ποιήματα που επιχειρώ να μεταφράσω ζητάνε από μένα να κάνω ένα κλικ πιο πέρα για να τα αποδώσω με τρόπο που κάπως να με ικανοποιεί – για να εκπέμψουν εννοώ την ίδια, πάνω-κάτω, θερμοκρασία του πρωτοτύπου. Είχα μεταφράσει καιρό τώρα, μαζί με άλλα, αυτό το ποίημα της Carol Ann Duffy, μα χρειάστηκε σήμερα να ξαναπιάσω τη μετάφρασή μου και να τη δουλέψω χωρίς να κοιτάζω πια το αγγλικό κείμενο για να νιώσω πως δεν το πρόδωσα – ή χρειάστηκε ίσως να βάλω σήμερα την αγάπη μου σε λέξεις.   

I'm prepared to go with some of her statement – that some modern poetry is so abstruse that it risks disappearing up its own backside. Billy Collins, writing in the introduction to Best American Poetry 2006, came through with this descriptive gem:

personal to the point of narcissism, self involved to the point of autism

(in a different context – I know, but as a phrase it's just too damn good to leave alone). Poetry that is too clever, that has no desire to communicate with anyone outside it's own little clique of approved readers, has done a huge amount of damage to poetry's reputation. Not helped by the other extreme, who hold gibberish and doggerel up as the real poetry. The fact that there are plenty of fine poets inhabiting the wilderness between these two poles gets completely ignored, and the poor sods who might otherwise quite like to give poetry a chance, have no idea of their (our) existence.

Joanna's comments included the following:

'It is a rare modern poem that achieves the balance between being challenging and accessible.'

(Umm, no, not really. Have you looked lately? Anywhere reputable? I can send you a recommended reading list if you like.)

'Liz would never dream of describing herself as a "poet". She even dislikes the very word "poetry" because she feels there is a divisive ring to it, as if the genre were up there on a rarefied pedestal.'

At this point I was feeling a little tetchy with Joanna. And more than a little bemused about Liz Cowley. Ok, I can understand the desire to not be seen to be elitist. But to actually shun the word "poetry" ... that sets off a few alarm bells. I mean, yes, the modernists were a bit tough to read when they first came out. But most people who are capable of following modern television (and certainly something like Absolutely Fabulous) have got more than enough practice at dealing with modernist techniques to be able to understand even "complex" poems. (Just don't get me started on PostModernists ...) A lot of things have changed since then. The whole Neo-Formalist movement, for example. (I'm assuming she is able to discern the difference between dear old Pam Ayres and someone like Don Paterson.)

Reading a bit further, I came to a comment from the poet (sorry, "writer") herself that clarified the situation for me:

'Poetry is so obscure and inward-looking that it loses people - Carol Ann Duffy, for example, is almost impossible for anyone who has not been well-educated to understand ...'

Sorry? Difficult? Carol Ann Duffy is difficult? Dear God! Don't tell the general public – they love her. They buy her books in huge numbers and seem to think that she makes sense. And then there are the thousands of school kids ... 

Dear Joanna – please try to read a few poems by real poets. Ones who aren't afraid of using the word to describe themselves. Don't be afraid, Joanna. Come into the light. Even Patsy could do better than this.

Sapped and stupid I lie upon the stones and I swoons
The darling little dandelions have done their thing and changed from suns into moons
The dragons roam the shopping malls, I hear they're gonna eat our guts
If I had the strength I might pick up my sword and make some attempt to resist.

Absolute genius. Who said this? Check it out.

That man is a bad, black, bleak and belligerent balladeer. I bought the last album when it came out and (blush) thought it wasn't all that good. At least I'm honest. Obviously, I have matured since then.....Indulge me in another moment of hero-worship:

You race naked through the wilderness
You torment the birds and the bees
You leapt into the abyss, but find
It only goes up to your knees
I move stealthily from tree to tree
I shadow you for hours
I make like I'm a little deer
Grazing on the flowers

Everything is collapsing, dear
All moral sense has gone
It's just history repeating itself
And babe, you turn me on.

(listen here)

We're going to hear soon who our next Poet Laureate will be. I like Carol Ann Duffy and Simon Armitage, but the tradition of tale-telling through rhythm, through performance ain't with those guys, it's guys like this. Nominations, anyone?

Valentine

No rose - my gift tells
Love's power, passion and pain -
A truthful onion.

Challenged by readwritepoem, I have tried to condense a poem that I love (Carol Ann Duffy's valentine) into that most compact format, the haiku. A challenging exercise, which loses a lot of the qualities of the original in the process, but it did make me focus on that poem in a new way.

Onion heart, originally uploaded by Big.Col.

The Manchester Poetry Prize is open to writers internationally, and will award a cash prize of £10,000 to the writer of the best portfolio of poems submitted.

Entrants are asked to submit a portfolio of poetry (three to five poems; the total length of the portfolio should not exceed 120 lines). The poems can be on any subject but must be new work, not published elsewhere.

Deadline for entries: 1st August 2008

http://www.manchesterwritingcompetition.co.uk/

Nobody forced you. You wanted to go that day. Begged. You chose
the dress. Here are the pictures, look at you. Look at us all,
smiling and waving, younger. The whole thing is inside your head.

What you recall are impressions; we have the facts. We called the tune.
The secret police of your childhood were older and wiser than you, bigger
than you. Call back the sound of their voices. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Nobody sent you away. That was an extra holiday, with people
you seemed to like. They were firm, there was nothing to fear.
There was none but yourself to blame if it ended in tears.

What does it matter now? No, no, nobody left the skidmarks of sin
on your soul and laid you wide open for Hell. You were loved.
Always. We did what was best. We remember your childhood well.

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

Other news articles on this from various sources: BBC, Manchester Evening News, The Times, The Agonist

Or when you’re away, or at work,
I like to think of your cupped hands as you sip,
as you sip, of the faint half-smile of your lips.

I like the questions – sugar? – milk? –
and the answers I don’t know by heart, yet,
for I see your soul in your eyes, and I forget.

Jasmine, Gunpowder, Assam, Earl Grey, Ceylon,
I love tea’s names. Which tea would you like? I say
but it’s any tea for you, please, any time of day,

as the women harvest the slopes
for the sweetest leaves, on Mount Wu-Yi,
and I am your lover, smitten, straining your tea.

- Carol Ann Duffy